


The Journey Back

by Sweetgirl2019



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst, Getting Back Together, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-11
Updated: 2019-05-27
Packaged: 2020-02-29 21:54:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 41,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18786970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sweetgirl2019/pseuds/Sweetgirl2019
Summary: After the finale, Michael realizes how wrong he had been. But when he finds Alex, will things be the same?





	1. One

*****

 

                Walking into his trailer, Michael let out a deep sigh as he sagged against the small counter. He’d left Maria at the bar an hour ago, driving the long way home. He’d been so excited to play the guitar for the first time in ten years and when Maria had kissed him just before, he let himself go with it. They’d kissed again after he was done playing before exhaustion had won out and Michael had gone home, promising they’d talk again tomorrow. As he removed his jacket and sat on his bed, he glanced down at the messy bedding and his mind immediately drew back to those nights months ago when he and Alex had slept together. For three incredible nights, everything in his world had seemed better. Glancing around the small trailer, everything around him reminded him of Alex. He had been the only person Michael had ever brought home. The time he had spent with all his flings and conquests had either been in the back of his truck, in a back alleyway or the rundown motel on Ninth Avenue. Alex was the exception to his rule. Alex was the exception to every rule.

               Running a hand through his curls, Michael thought of Maria and how nice it had been kissing her earlier. But as he squeezed his eyes shut and listened to the raging voice in his heart, he understood that the kisses he’d shared with her were a far cry from the feeling of his skin set ablaze when he kissed Alex. Being with Maria was easy and uncomplicated. With Alex, everything was intense. Their feelings, the longing, the passion between them, it was always a mix of too much and not enough. Those three nights they had spent together, even when both had been left panting and satisfied, they had reached for each other again and again, never able to quench the burning need for one another.

               Rubbing his tired eyes, he remembered not twenty-four hours before when Alex had come to his trailer, heart on his sleeve and open in a way that he hadn’t been since they were seventeen. If it hadn’t been for Noah, Michael would have stayed. Snapping his eyes open, he suddenly remembered he had asked Alex to come by so they could talk today. Instead of keeping his promise, he had let himself be distracted by Maria, the woman he had grown to care for deeply, but never more than a close friend. He had desperately wanted to feel something stronger, to let himself believe that he could love her but looking around his trailer, feeling Alex in the sheets beneath him and in the air around, he knew his choice had been wrong. He loved Alex so completely it consumed him. Realizing how wrong he had been was one thing, fixing it was entirely different. Before he could jump to his feet, a sudden pain shot through his head. All he could see was Max on the ground with Liz crying beside him. All other thoughts left his mind as he rushed to his truck and sped away.

               *****

               When Max awoke from his comatose state, Isobel and Liz stayed by his side with a guilty Rosa sticking close. Once Max had fully healed, Michael allowed himself to leave the house for the first time in three days. He was anxious but hopeful for the talk he wanted with Alex but he had to clear the air with Maria before doing anything. The moment he walked into the bar and saw the look on her face, he realized that she was in the same headspace. They apologized to each other and promised to keep their little tryst a secret, no need hurting anyone, especially Alex, when both had realized their mistake. They’d ended things on friendly terms and for the first time in months, Michael felt a hope inside his heart that he hadn’t felt since that first night he and Alex had slept together again.

               Rushing home to shower, Michael sped his way across town before taking the exit towards Alex’s cabin. Climbing out of his truck, he released a deep breath before he made his way up the porch steps, smiling when he saw Alex’s car parked to the side. Standing behind the door, he lifted his hand to knock before pausing. Nervously running his hands down his best denim shirt, he shook his head at the effort he had made to look good. Taking a final deep breath, he lifted his hand again when the sound of a truck made him spin around.

               “What are you doing here?” he asked as Kyle ran up the steps and used his spare key to barge in. “Why do you have a key to his place?”

               “He gave me a spare key,” Kyle replied and moved through the cabin. “Alex, are you here?”

               When no voice replied, Kyle made his way back towards Michael who was standing just inside the door.

               “Is he not here? His car’s parked out front?”

                Kyle watched him for a moment before shaking his head and grabbing his phone. “Come on, Alex, pick up. Pick up!”

               “Valenti, what the hell is going on?” Michael demanded, his worry bleeding through.

               “None of your business,” Kyle muttered before looking up. “What the hell are you doing here anyway?”

               “That’s none of _your_ business,” Michael spat back.

                Kyle took a moment to regard him before chuckling. “Seriously? Dude, if you came here to tell Alex you choose him, you’re three days too late. If you came here to tell Alex you chose De Luca, you’re definitely too late.”

                “What the hell are you talking about?” Michael asked, a feeling of dread filling him.

                “He knows about you and De Luca.”

                Michael felt the words like a punch to the gut. He blinked his surprise before swallowing. “How?”

                “He knows because I saw the two of you at the bar and I told him.”

                “What?!” Michael snapped, taking an angry step forward but Kyle held his hands up.

                “Look, man, I had a really rough day myself that night and I needed a drink. I walked into the bar and saw the two of you playing tonsil hockey so I left. I called Alex to talk about my shitty day because he needed to know about it and when we met at my place, he had this heartbroken look in his eyes,” Kyle explained, the words making Michael’s eyes begin to tear. “It felt like he needed to get it off his chest so I let him talk and he told me how he had gone to you, how he put himself out there and you made him wait outside your trailer all day.”

                “He was there waiting?” Michael asked quietly.

                “Of course he was. You asked him to come by to talk,” Kyle reminded. “I couldn’t stand the look on his face, man. Despite how upset he was, he still had this hope in his eyes. It hurt seeing him like that so I told him. I didn’t do it to hurt him or to cause drama, but because I care about him.”

                “You told him what?” Michael asked after a moment.

                Kyle sighed before replying. “That I saw you at the bar and you were kissing De Luca.”

                Michael ran a hand down his face as a tear slipped down his cheek. “You had no right to do that.”

                Kyle watched him for a few beats before deflating.

                “Maybe I shouldn’t have,” he shrugged. “The truth is, Alex was my best friend growing up and I know that our friendship took a serious dive in the wrong direction because of me, because of what a jerk I was in high school. But these past few months, being back in each other’s orbit, you have no idea how good it felt gaining his friendship back. I hadn’t even realized how much I missed it. That he was willing to give me a second chance, despite everything. I could have stayed quiet but to be honest, I couldn’t watch him carry that false hope. It felt like when we were kids. Before his dad grew violent and homophobic, he still wasn’t winning any Father of the Year awards but Alex would always look at him with the same hope in his eyes. Every time his father showed his true colours, I’d see that hope die piece by piece until there was nothing left. I didn’t want him to go through that again.”

                Michael wiped the tears from his eyes and nodded. “What did he say when you told him?”

                “What do you think? He blamed himself for everything. Said he understood why you chose to be with someone who was beautiful and funny and light, instead of the constant darkness that came with him.”

                “That’s not true,” Michael protested. “He’s everything that’s good and pure.”

                “Well, when you choose his best friend without even talking to him first, how else do you expect him to take it?” Kyle questioned, his voice gentle. “You and De Luca both, all you had to do was talk to him. It would have hurt just the same but at least you would have respected him enough to tell him before hand.”

                “Nothing happened with her,” Michael said, the anger starting to return. “That’s all it was, a couple kisses. I went home and realized how wrong I was but then everything with Max happened and I got distracted for three days.”

                “So you and De Luca broke things off?”

                “We were never together in the first place!” Michael snapped. “We just kissed a couple times, that’s it!”

                “Well, where Alex was standing, that was a lot, Guerin,” Kyle replied before sighing. “Look, I didn’t come here to argue with you, alright? You don’t like me and I can’t say you’re my favorite person either. I need to find Alex.”

                “What are you talking about? Why are you so desperate to find him?”

                Kyle grabbed his phone and opened up a message. “He texted me last night but we were dealing with the crash on the 185. I didn’t see it until this morning.”

                “What did he say?” Michael asked, taking a step forward.

                _“I found another bunker my dad was hiding but this one looks larger, like an actual facility. I’m going to head over there and check it out. I can’t let Caulfield happen again. I’ll let you know if I find anything.”_

                “Where did he go?” Michael asked, looking up to meet Kyle’s gaze.

                “If I knew, would I be here arguing with you?” Kyle replied. “He’s going to get himself killed.”

                “Don’t say that,” Michael snapped. “Where’s his research?”

                “Dude, I don’t know!” Kyle exclaimed. “He was doing all sorts of research on the dark net, hacking into God knows what military databases. I wanted to help him but he told me he wanted to keep me out of it, to keep me safe. Ever since you talked to him at your bunker, showed him everything, he’s been doing all sorts of research but after Caulfield, he was at it day and night. He feels guilty for what happened, he shoulders the blame.”

                “It wasn’t his fault. He’s not his father!” Michael exclaimed. “I never blamed him.”

                “Then why did you go to De Luca instead of him?” Kyle asked.

                Michael’s shoulders sagged in defeat. “I was wrong. I made a mistake.”

                “Look, none of that matters right now. Just hope that whatever he’s doing out there doesn’t get the idiot arrested, court marshalled or killed.”

                Turning around, Kyle walked out of the cabin, leaving a stunned Michael behind. Overwhelmed by the guilt and worry swirling inside him, he left the cabin and drove for miles before realizing he was back at Max’s house. His legs carried him all the way inside where Max and Isobel were gathered on the sofa.

                “Is everything okay?” Isobel asked, the look on his face making her jump to her feet.

                “I think I messed up,” he said, lifting his tearful gaze to hers. “I really think I messed up.”

                “What are you talking about?” Max asked, sitting up straight. “What’s going on?”

                “I kissed Maria after you healed my hand, before everything else,” he started.

                Isobel seemed taken aback. “You…oh, okay.”

                He looked to her, a question in his eyes.

                “Nothing, I just thought you would try and make things work with Alex.”

                “You said we should stop living in the past.”

                “Yeah, as in we should let all that pain go and try to build a different future,” Isobel replied before tilting her head. “You said you loved Alex. Has that changed?”

                “No,” he whispered.

                “Then why did you go to De Luca?”

                “I thought I wanted something different but I was wrong. Isobel, I was so wrong.”

                “Michael, what happened?”

                “Valenti’s attempt to fix his friendship with Alex is what happened!” he snapped.

                “Why is that a problem?” Max asked from the sofa.

                “He saw me kissing her and told Alex.”

                “God, it feels like we’re in high school,” Isobel said, reaching out to pat Michael’s arm. “I’m assuming Alex didn’t take that too well?”

                “I told him to come by the trailer so we could talk. That night, he was there waiting for me and was saying all these things. I left because of Noah but I told him to come back the next day.”

                “So what happened? He didn’t show up?” Max asked.

                “No, _he_ did. I went to Maria instead,” Michael said with a loud groan. “I completely forgot. I thought I was making the right choice but I wasn’t. She was never what I wanted, not really. It’s always been him.”

                “So he waited for you at your trailer when you went to Maria to hook up?” Isobel frowned.

                “We didn’t hook up. We just kissed and of course Valenti saw it and of course Valenti told Alex!”

                “He was looking out for his friend, Michael,” Isobel reasoned. “You can’t hold that against him. Besides, I think your anger towards him is maybe misplaced?”

                Michael deflated instantly. “I went by this morning to the cabin to talk to him but he wasn’t there. Valenti showed up and told me.”

                “I’m sorry, Michael,” she said, her sympathy genuine.

                “Want to know what’s worse? He thinks I only see pain when I look at him,” Michael replied before chuckling. “And do you know what’s even worse than that? He’s been doing all this research, trying to find another facility like Caulfield and apparently last night, he found it. He went off on his own and I don’t even know where he is or if he’s okay. He did that for me, because he blamed himself for his father’s actions, because I let him believe that.”

                “Another facility? Where?” Max asked as he sprang to his feet.

                “I don’t know. Valenti doesn’t either,” Michael said before he turned his tearful gaze to Isobel. “If anything happens to him…”

                “Don’t think about that, Michael. Where’s his research?”

                “Probably at his dad’s bunker.”

                “Then let’s start there,” she said with a firm nod. “We’ll find him.”  


                *****  


                “How did he make sense of any of this?” Max grumbled, looking through pages of data he couldn’t understand.

                They’d brought boxes of information back home to Max’s house, scattered across the living room floor as the three of them tried to make headway. Grunting in frustration, Michael pushed the papers off his lap and rose to his feet.

                “This is useless. I should be out there looking for him?”

                “Just where would you look? We’re not even sure he’s in New Mexico,” Isobel argued.

                Before Michael could reply, Max grabbed his vibrating cell.

                “Valenti,” he greeted. “What are you talking about? Is he okay?”

                Michael rushed towards him, reaching for the phone but Kyle had already hung up.

                “We need to get to the hospital.”

                “What’s wrong? Is it Alex?”

                “He didn’t give details, just said to get to the hospital.”

                Michael blinked back his tears before he rushed outside, Isobel and Max close behind. He sped through town towards the hospital but Max didn’t have the heart to ask him to slow down. When they ran inside the emergency ward twenty minutes later, Kyle rushed out to meet them.

                “Is he alive?” was the first thing Michael asked.

                “He’s alive,” Kyle confirmed and Michael took a shaky breath. “He was shot just above the abdomen but it was a through and through.”

                “Let me see him,” Michael pleaded.

                “Just wait for a second,” Kyle held him back. “He had a really bad head wound. He’s unconscious.”

                “But he’s alive?” Michael repeated. “Can you just take me to him? Please?”

                “I’m going to call Liz,” Max said before moving down the hall.

                “Come on, let’s go,” Isobel ushered him forward as they followed Kyle towards the ICU.

                When they rounded the corner and walked into the room, the sight made Michael freeze. Alex was laying in the hospital bed, unconscious, with a thick bandage wrapped around his temple as wires connected him to the heart monitor and oxygen. An IV was attached to his arm while his prosthetic had been removed, leaving a gap under the bedsheet that covered his leg. His right cheek had a bruise that had already begun to darken while his midsection was bandaged underneath the hospital gown.

                Walking forward slowly, Michael reached out to gently touch his face. He bit his quivering lip and squeezed his eyes shut to stop the tears from falling.

                “When will he wake up?”

                “With head injuries, you never know,” Kyle replied, moving to the other side of the bed and staring down at his friend with a sadness Michael recognized. “We just have to wait and see.”

                “Where was he?” Isobel asked quietly.

                “He did find another facility. Flint said there were thirty or so people locked away in there.”

                “Flint?” Michael scoffed. “The brother who was working at Caulfield?”

                “Apparently he had a change of heart after what happened and actually helped Alex this time,” Kyle said with a sigh. “He and his men helped Alex raid the facility. I think he said they took the people to the motel off the 256, just outside of town. Keeping them there to avoid the military shitstorm that’s on the way.”

                “We need to go to those people, Michael,” Isobel started.

                “I’m not leaving him,” he replied, his tone leaving no room for argument.

                “Liz said she’ll be here in ten minutes,” Max said, making his presence known from the doorway. “When she gets here, Isobel and I will head out to them.”

                Michael could faintly hear them talking but the voices didn’t register. All he could see was Alex’s peaceful face.

                “Let’s give him a minute,” Isobel said as she ushered Max from the room.

                Kyle hesitated before reaching out to pat Michael’s shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

                He dropped his hand and walked out of the room. Once he was sure they were gone, Michael finally let his emotions take over. Moving onto the bed, he slowly laid down beside Alex, careful not to disturb any of the wires. Taking the other man’s hand in his, he kissed the knuckles before he buried his face against Alex’s neck. Squeezing his eyes shut, he let himself cry in the silence of the room. When Liz rushed in minutes later, she froze at the image before her. Clasping a hand over her mouth, she let her tears fall before inching towards the bed.

                “Michael,” she whispered and he lifted his gaze to hers, his eyes red from crying. “What happened?”

                “He’ll wake up,” he replied, tightening his arm around Alex’s chest. “He has to. I have to tell him.”

                “Tell him what?” she asked, frowning through her tears.

                “That I love him,” Michael whispered. “That he’s the only thing in this world that has kept me here.”

                Liz seemed taken aback by his words. “Maria said you were Museum Guy and that Alex had strong feelings for you. I didn’t realize you…”

                She froze and sighed heavily, realizing the advice she had given Maria the other day.

                “I don’t just love him, you know? He’s my everything.”

                Liz nodded sadly as a new wave of tears welled in her eyes.

                “Alex is strong, Michael. He’s been through so much in his life. He’ll wake up from this.”

                Michael lowered his gaze and pressed his face back against Alex’s neck. Liz watched them for a few seconds before she reached out to cover their joint hands with her own.

                Rosa joined them soon after, sitting with her sister to provide any sort of comfort she could give. They stayed wrapped around each other with Michael holding onto Alex. Kyle came in after his shift, joining them and grateful when Rosa took his hand. When Max and Isobel returned hours later, Michael had hardly moved an inch.

                “Did you find the people?” Liz asked, looking up as they walked in. “Were they okay?”

                “Thirty-three of them,” Max replied. “It took a while but we brought them back to my house. They’re safer there until we figure out what to do.”

                “Any changes?” Isobel asked, moving behind Michael and running a hand through his hair.

                “No,” Kyle shook his head.

                Liz sighed and looked at him. “I should call Maria.”

                Before he could reply, a faint whimper made them glance towards the bed. Michael lifted his head and stared down at Alex as he released a painful groan.

                “Guerin, get up!” Kyle ushered him to stand.

                Rushing to the monitors, he quickly checked the stats as Alex slowly blinked himself awake. Unable to hide his relief, Michael grabbed his hand and pressed a kiss against his knuckles as Liz and Rosa hugged beside him.

                “Hey, Alex,” Kyle greeted, lifting his eyelids to check his pupils. “Can you open your eyes for me?

                Alex blinked several times before he was able to hold his eyes open. He slowly glanced around the faces in the room, frowning before he turned to Kyle.

                “Kyle, what happened? Where am I?”

                “You gave us all a scare,” Kyle replied, glancing back at the monitors again. “But your vitals are good.”

                “My head is pounding,” he groaned.

                He came to lift his hand when he noticed Michael was holding onto it. Frowning at him, he untangled his fingers and looked away from Michael who swallowed his heartache.

                “Liz?” he asked as his friend reached down to kiss his cheek. “Why do you look so different?”

                “What are you talking about, Alex?” she chuckled through her happy tears.

                “I’m in the hospital?” he asked, turning back to Kyle. “Was it a car accident? Did I fall from the treehouse?”

                Kyle frowned at his words and quickly exchanged glances with Liz and Michael before looking back down at him.

                “Alex, you helped your brother raid the facility. You helped rescue those prisoners, remember?”

                “What?” Alex asked, looking up at him in confusion. “What are you talking about? We were in geometry class yesterday. Mr. Burke’s toupee fell off and he gave us all a pop quiz as punishment.”

                “Alex, look at me,” Michael started, reaching for his hand again but Alex pulled away.

                “Why do you keep grabbing my hand?” he asked with a grimace as he met Michael’s eyes. “Are you in my class? Who are you?”

                Michael felt his stomach drop as he stared down at the man he loved more than anything and realized his eyes no longer held any recognition.


	2. TWO

*****

 

                “You’re Guerin, right?” Alex asked, staring into the other man’s eyes. “In my art and music class?”

                “What’s the last thing you remember?” Kyle asked, dragging Alex’s attention back to him as Michael took a small step back from shock.

                “I told you, we were in geometry class,” Alex said, reaching up to rub his temple but stopped when he felt the bandage. “We went to your place for dinner because my dad was working late at the base again. Jim and your mom made lasagna and we fell asleep outside in the backyard after dinner.”

                “That’s when we were fifteen,” Kyle replied. “Alex, you were shot just above the abdomen but the surgery went well. You hit your head hard when you went down though. That explains the retrograde amnesia.”

                “Is it temporary?” Liz asked him.

                “Depends how extensive the damage is to the frontal and anterior temporal regions,” Kyle replied, looking back at Alex again.

                “I don’t understand. How much am I missing?” he asked before coughing roughly. “Can I have some water?”

                Michael was the first to react, reaching over to the bedside table and retrieving the glass left by the nurses. He held it to Alex who frowned at him before leaning in to take a drink. With his lips against the edge of the glass, he met Michael’s eyes and held it for several seconds. When he felt Kyle position the pillows behind him so he could sit up in bed, he broke the gaze with Michael and looked away in confusion.

                “Maybe we should let you get some rest first. We can do some testing and see if we can determine how extensive your injury is,” Kyle suggested.

                Alex reached out to grab his hand, missing the hurt look in Michael’s eyes. “Just tell me.”

                “Alex, Kyle is right. Maybe you should rest for a bit. You just woke up,” Liz tried but he shook his head.

                “You can’t say I have amnesia and then just leave it there. Tell me.”

                Kyle nodded in understanding. “You’re twenty-eight.”

                Stunned by the words, Alex slowly released Kyle’s hand and edged away on the bed.

                “That’s not possible,” he started. “I’m missing thirteen years of my life?”

                “Look, the amnesia could very well be temporary. We won’t know much else until we run some tests,” Kyle assured him before glancing at the others. “Why don’t you guys call it a night? Let him get some rest.”

                “What’s wrong with my leg?” Alex suddenly asked, his eyes focused on the gap beneath the sheet where the prosthetic should have been.

                Michael felt the tears he had been holding well in his eyes. Desperate to reach out and comfort him, he lifted his hand towards Alex but dropped it midair when the other man glanced up at him.

                “What’s wrong with my leg?” he asked again, looking away from Michael towards Kyle again.

                “Guys, I think you should give him some room,” Kyle started.

                “No!” Alex exclaimed, reaching out to grab Liz’s hand. “I want her to stay.”

                “Sweetie, I’m not going anywhere,” she promised, squeezing his hand and turning around. “You should go home. Kyle and I will stay here with him.”

                “I’m not leaving,” Michael started, glancing past her to Alex’s anxious expression.

                “Michael, please, you need to go. It’s too much for him right now,” Liz said, her voice leaving no room for argument. “Stick with Isobel or Max. I’ll call if there’s any changes.”

                “Michael, come on,” Isobel gently tugged him away.

                He looked back at Alex who stared up at him with a void expression. Swallowing the lump in his throat, he let Isobel drag him out of the room until they were outside with Max and Rosa, the door closing shut behind them.

                “I’m not leaving,” he said, wiping at his eyes. “You guys go home. I’ll stay out here in the hallway.”

                “Michael, if you’re staying, so am I,” Isobel protested.

                “Please go home,” he pleaded. “I need to be alone right now.”

                “Come on,” Max ushered gently. “We’ll take Rosa home too.”

                Isobel hesitated for another moment before leaning in to kiss Michael’s cheek and embracing him tightly. He took comfort from her arms before she pulled away and disappeared down the hall with the others. Releasing a heavy sigh, Michael slid down the wall outside the door, leaning his elbows over his bent knees before his eyes squeezed shut.

                “Will someone tell me what’s going on?” Alex demanded as Kyle finished going through his chart for a third time. “What’s wrong with my leg?”

                “Alex,” Liz started, squeezing his hand again. “After high school, you enlisted in the Air Force. You were stationed overseas in Iraq for ten years and did three tours. You came back home to Roswell just a few months ago, stationed at the base in town. Your enlistment period ends in a couple weeks.”

                “Why would I join the Air Force?” he asked quietly. “I want to play music.”

                “Some stuff happened with your dad,” Kyle replied vaguely. “You’re a codebreaker for the Air Force, spent a lot of time behind a desk hacking through intelligence. Sometimes, your team would assist the patrol units. One of those days, you were ambushed.”

                “Show me,” he whispered, staring at his covered leg. “Please show me.”

                Kyle sighed before lifting the sheet. Alex felt the shock hit him like a ton of bricks as he stared at the scarred stump where his foot should have been. Lifting a shaky hand to cover his mouth, a loud sob escaped his throat. Liz reached down and carefully wrapped her arms around him, whispering soothing words in his ear. He squeezed his eyes shut and let the pain wash over him before wiping his tears away.

                “Where’s my dad?” he asked, looking between them. “Is he here? Can I see him?”

                “Alex,” Kyle started, unsure how to broach the subject and deciding to lie in the end. “He’s stationed overseas, on some sort of mission. He’s out of contact right now. Let’s just get you over to CT and see if we can get some answers, alright?”

                He pressed his head back against the pillow, shutting his eyes and releasing a deep breath. Kyle and Liz exchanged worried glances before he unhooked the wires connecting him to the monitors.

                “Could you push the IV stand?” he asked Liz who nodded.

                Releasing the brakes on the bed, they wheeled Alex into the hallway.

                “What’s going on?” Michael jumped to his feet, wiping at his red eyes.

                “We’re taking him to CT,” Kyle replied. “You should go home, Guerin.”

                “I’ll wait inside his room,” Michael said, looking down just as Alex opened his eyes and met his gaze.

                “How do I know you?” he whispered. “Are we friends?”

                Michael smiled sadly. “Yeah, we are.”

                “Why do you look so…heartbroken?” Alex asked, unable to mask his confusion. “Have I forgotten a lot between us?”

                All Michael could do was nod, desperately holding onto his resolve to stop from breaking down in front of him.

                “Come on, let’s get you to CT,” Kyle cut in before he and Liz wheeled Alex down the hall.

                Moving back into the private room, Michael fell into one of the chairs and buried his face in his hands. His emotional exhaustion eventually won out and his eyes slipped closed, sending him into a fitful sleep.

  
               *****

                When he opened his eyes again, two hours had passed and darkness filled the sky. Leaning back in his chair, he rubbed his eyes and looked up to see Alex watching him from the bed.

                “Hey,” he greeted, sitting at the edge of his seat. “Did you get the scans done?”

                “Yeah,” Alex replied, biting his lower lip. “How close are we?”

                “What do you mean?” Michael asked, swallowing nervously.

                “I’m missing thirteen years of my life. How close are we?”

                “Very,” Michael replied, looking down.

                “Can you fill in the details?”

                “I don’t know if I’m the right person…”

                “Kyle seemed really upset when I called him my best friend and made an excuse about working a double shift. Liz seemed guilty for reasons I don’t understand and left to call Maria, who still hasn’t shown up,” Alex interrupted. “You’re still here. Will you fill in some blanks?”

                Michael sighed in defeat before dragging his chair closer towards the bed.

                “What do you want to know?”

                “Why did I join the Air Force?”

                “You said you wanted to be the type of person who won battles,” Michael started. “But it always seemed like there was more to it than that, something deeper. I just couldn’t ever figure it out.”

                “Kyle seemed weird when I asked about my dad. I know we never had the best relationship but I’m obviously missing something.”

                “Alex, I don’t think…”

                “You said we’re close,” Alex cut him off. “I need to know.”

                “Look, you were shot, you had surgery and you have a head injury. Maybe we should wait before I download you in on everything.”

                “I’m asking you to tell me the truth,” Alex said before his eyes hardened. “I’m not weak. I can take it.”

                “I know you’re not weak,” Michael replied, a sad smile covering his face.

                “Then tell me the truth.”

                Michael hesitated for another few beats before giving in.

                “Your relationship with your dad started getting worse when he realized you were…”

                Alex raised his brow, silently urging him to continue.

                “When he realized you were gay.”

                Surprise filled his face before Alex sighed.

                “There was a part of me that always thought…,” he started and cleared his throat. “Worse how?”

                “Alex, we really don’t need to do this right now,” Michael pleaded.

                “Tell me, please!”

                “He became violent,” Michael whispered, unable to keep eye contact. “He hit you. He hurt you. A lot.”

                Michael found the nerve to look back up and the pain in Alex’s eyes broke his heart all over again.

                “I must have hated him,” Alex said, swallowing hard. “Why would I join the Air Force? That’s what he always wanted.”

                “I don’t know,” Michael said, shaking his head. “I wish I did. There’s a lot you never told me.”

                Alex watched him for a while, contemplating his words before speaking. “Do I…do I have someone in my life?”

                He raised his hand towards Michael and waved.

                “I don’t see a ring on my finger so I guess I’m not married. I don’t even know if gay marriage is allowed here.”

                “It is. They passed a law a few years ago.”

                Alex nodded before licking his lips nervously. “Do I have someone then?”

                “There is someone,” Michael started, feeling the ache inside his chest grow. “Someone who cares about you more than you will ever understand.”

                “Am I with him?” Alex whispered.

                “No,” Michael replied, feeling his eyes begin to tear again. “You were together briefly in high school but your father’s reaction at finding you together drove you apart. He stayed behind while you joined the Air Force. Ten years, you didn’t see each other until your injury brought you away from the front lines overseas and stationed you here at base.”

                “Did we reconnect?” Alex asked, watching Michael with careful eyes.

                “Yeah, you did. After all that time, those feelings never went away. But your reunion was brief because you weren’t ready to be with him. Too much had happened to you overseas, too much trauma you were still carrying and working through so he let you go,” Michael replied, running an unsteady hand through his curls. “You guys were apart for a while until you started reconnecting again. But he thought you only wanted friendship so he started thinking maybe it was time for him to move on, to look to his future without you in it.”

                “Did he?” Alex whispered. “Move on?”

                “He tried,” Michael chuckled before shaking his head. “But it lasted a grand total of three days before he realized what a complete idiot he had been. How nothing and no one in this world would ever compare to you but by the time he came looking for you, to tell you just what you meant to him, he was too late. You had already left on your solo mission that Kyle mentioned earlier and you had gone thinking he had moved on, that he had looked away. He hates himself for that. You have no idea how much.”

                “Did he?” Alex asked as Michael met his eyes again. “Did he look away?”

                “No,” Michael’s voice cracked. “He never looks away.”

                Alex took a sharp breath before looking towards the opposite wall. “I wish I could remember him. He must matter a lot to me too.”

                All Michael could do was look down at his hands as a nurse walked into the room.

                “How are you feeling, Captain Manes?” the elderly nurse asked with a kind smile.

                “Captain,” Alex repeated with an incredulous laugh. “My head hurts.”

                “Dr. Valenti allowed a couple more milligrams of morphine,” she said, confirming with his chart before administrating the drug through his IV. “That should settle in soon. Young man?”

                She looked at Michael expectantly.

                “Visiting hours are over.”

                “He’s family,” Alex blurted.

                The nurse looked between the two and took in the way Michael was watching Alex, a softness to his gaze.

                “I guess I can allow it this one time, but Dr. Valenti will owe me.”

                “He’ll be good for it,” Alex replied with a small smile.

                “Alright, you have the call button if you need anything. Have a good night, you two,” she said before walking out of the room and shutting the door behind her.

                “Why did you do that?” Michael asked.

                Alex continued to stare at the door for several moments. When he finally turned his gaze back to Michael, a thoughtful look had replaced his confusion.

                “I’m sorry I can’t remember you.”

                “What do you mean?” Michael asked with a frown.

                “You’re him, aren’t you? The one that matters?”

                Michael took a sharp breath before nodding tightly.

                “I wish I could remember you.”

                “It doesn’t matter,” Michael shook his head. “You’re alive. Nothing else matters.”

                “What if I _never_ remember you?”

                Michael rose from his chair and moved until he was pressed against the bed. He hesitated before slowly reaching out to take Alex’s hand, carefully watching his reaction. When Alex didn’t pull away, Michael twined their fingers together.

                “Then I’ll just have to make you fall in love with me all over again.”

                Alex let out a shaky breath but tightened his fingers around Michael’s hand.

                “I can feel that you matter,” he whispered, looking deep into Michael’s eyes. “I can’t explain it but I feel a connection. I feel a pull towards you.”

                Michael smiled before lifting their joint hands.

                “Can I?” he asked.

                When Alex nodded through his daze, Michael leaned down and pressed his lips against the tender knuckles.

                “I don’t want to scare you,” he said, looking back up again. “This is a lot to take in. I don’t want to push you.”

                “I’m not afraid of you,” Alex replied before frowning. “Michael.”

                Michael shut his eyes and released a sharp breath, taking a moment to bask in the feeling of hearing his name.

                “You’ve only ever called me by my first name once,” he said, opening his eyes again. “To you, I was always Guerin.”

                “When did I call you by your name?”

                “The first time we made love,” he said and swallowed. “You said it like a prayer. I never forgot how it sounded.”

                “I hurt you, didn’t I?” Alex asked, sadness washing over him.

                “You’re not alone. I hurt you too,” Michael said with a shake of his head. “Maybe this can be our second chance.”

                “You’re that confident I’ll fall in love with you again?” Alex chuckled through his nervousness.

                “Our connection has always been cosmic,” he replied, smiling softly. “Close your eyes. Get some rest.”

                “Will you stay?” Alex asked, his eyes already slipping shut.

                “I’m not going anywhere,” he promised.

                When he felt Alex’s voice even out, he leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss against his bandaged head.

                “I’ll never let you go again,” he whispered, lowering himself back in the chair and laying his head against the bed, keeping his gaze fixed on Alex’s face.


	3. THREE

*****

   

                When Alex blinked his eyes awake, he felt a gentle grip against his hand. Shifting his head to the side, he couldn’t help but smile at Michael, fast asleep with his head against the bed. A feeling he couldn’t explain told him that Michael’s words had been true, that they had been important to each other but no matter how hard he tried, his brain couldn’t remember anything. Squeezing their twined fingers, he nudged him slowly and watched as Michael snapped his head up.

                “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

                “I’m fine,” Alex chuckled before motioning their joint hands.

                Smiling sheepishly, Michael withdrew and Alex flexed his fingers before rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

                “How do you feel?”

                “Amnesic,” he replied, smiling at his own joke.

                Michael simply nodded, swallowing the sudden lump in his throat.

                “Hey, sorry,” Alex apologized. “It’s just, if I can’t joke about it…”

                “It’s alright, I get it,” Michael smiled.

                “Michael, you should get out of here. You’ve been here for two straight days.”

                “Do you want me to leave?” he asked, staring at the floor.

                “That’s not what I said,” Alex replied just as the door opened.

                “How’s my favorite patient?” Kyle greeted, walking up to check the monitor.

                “My head hurts less. The morphine helped,” he said, smiling at Kyle’s scrubs. “Still can’t believe you’re a doctor. Figured you’d stick to being a jock and go all the way.”

                “I guess some stuff happened in high school that made me open my eyes a bit. I realized instead of being a jerk, I wanted to help people instead.”

                “You’re not a jerk,” Alex said, frowning.

                Kyle met Michael’s critical gaze before smiling. “You have visitors.”

                Liz walked in on cue, reaching down to give Alex a kiss.

                “You don’t have to keep coming by. I don’t want to mess with your routine,” he started to protest.

                “My whole day is clear so you’re stuck with me, Manes,” she smiled before Rosa walked up towards them.

                “Hey Alex,” she greeted, her smile gentle.

                “What makeup do you use?” Alex chuckled.

                “What are you talking about?” Rosa said with a smirk. “Thinking of going back to the guyliner?”

                “No, you just look so young,” he said, smiling fondly. “Everyone else looks older but you look the same.”

                Liz exchanged quick glances with the others before Rosa shook her head.

                “I’ll never give away my secrets.”

                “Someone else is here to see you too,” Liz added before they stepped aside.

                “Maria,” Alex smiled, his eyes glazing over as he opened his arms.

                She hesitated at the door for only a moment before rushing forward and pulling him into her arms, trying her hardest to keep her tears at bay.

                “I’m sorry I couldn’t come earlier,” she said, leaning back. “How are you feeling?”

                “Alright, considering. Why are you crying? I’m okay,” he assured her before motioning his leg. “If I survived that, what’s a little amnesia?”

                “Always trying to make the other person feel better,” she said, smiling gently. “What’s the word, Valenti? When can he get out of here?”

                “I have to check his stitches first. It’s only been two days but if the wounds are healing, he can check out as early as the end of the week.”

                “Another four days locked up in here. I don’t think so,” Alex grumbled as he started sitting up in bed.

                “Woah, what are you doing?” Michael rushed to lend a hand.

                “There’s no way I’m staying here that long,” he replied and turned to Kyle. “Do your thing so I can check out.”

                “Alex, you were shot!” Liz protested.

                “Not to mention your head injury,” Maria added.

                “You’re not leaving the hospital,” Kyle spoke with as much authority as he could muster.

                “You can’t exactly keep me here.”

                “Alex,” Michael started but he held his hand up.

                “Look, I can’t explain it and it's not like I can remember it but I hate hospitals. I feel like I’ve been inside one too many times,” he said before he reached for his prosthetic.

                He stared at the part for a long moment, unsure how use it when Michael reached down and covered his hands.

                “Will you let me?” he asked softly.

                They held eyes for a moment before Alex nodded and leaned back. The room stayed silent as they watched Michael attach the prosthetic in place before lowering the sheet over Alex’s legs again.

                “Thank you,” he whispered.

                Kyle looked between them before clearing his throat. “You’re still not leaving.”

                “Can I have a moment with my best buddy?” Alex asked, addressing the room.

                Liz and Rosa walked out with Maria and Michael hesitated only briefly before he followed.

                “Kyle, I get that you’re worried and I appreciate it but I need to get out of here, okay? I need to go somewhere that might jog my memory and I have this feeling inside me that my memories of hospitals aren’t good ones. So please give me a clean bill of health so I can get out of here.”

                Kyle sighed heavily before giving in.

                “No strenuous activity, lots of rest and I swear if you don’t follow my directions, I will drag you back in here kicking and screaming.”

                “Well, apparently I’m a soldier so I’m thinking you won’t get the upper hand,” Alex smiled. “Now, do you need me to bend over and cough?”

                Kyle shook his head but couldn’t keep the grin off his face. In the hallway, Michael stood on his own, rubbing his hands in worry as Maria sighed and walked towards him.

                “I know everything,” she blurted as he turned to face her. “Yeah, Liz clued me in on a lot of things the other night. I got to say, I was mad at her for a bit, being the last of the bunch to know but right now, with Alex going through all of this, none of that matters anymore.”

                Releasing the tension from her body, Maria changed her footing.

                “Kyle also mentioned a few things that were not so kind,” she added. “I hate myself for hurting Alex like that and if his memories come back, which I hope they do, we’ll cross that bridge when we reach it. But for now, that’s the last thing he should know or worry about.”

                Michael nodded in agreement.

                “You just have to help jog his memory. We all do,” she said, softening her tone. “He’s Alex. He’s the strongest person we know. He’ll get through this. Just be patient with him. That connection the two of you have, that love between you, it will get you both through this.”

                “How can you be so sure?”

                “Call it my intuition,” she smiled before patting his shoulder and moving back to Liz and Rosa.

                Releasing a deep sigh, Michael pressed his head back against the wall, staring up at the ceiling when the door reopened.

                “What’s the verdict?” Maria asked as Kyle helped Alex into the hallway, dressed in a pair of jeans and a white tee that Kyle had brought from his own locker the previous night.

                “Well, I still don’t want him checking out but if anyone’s stubborn enough to go against medical advice, it’s Alex,” Kyle grumbled.

                Maria and Liz moved to his side, each taking one of his arms as he steadied his legs, getting used to the prosthetic as Michael slowly approached them from the side.

                “Where to, Captain?” Maria asked.

                “Home!” Kyle exclaimed.

                “How about the Crashdown?” Alex asked, ignoring Kyle. “Is it still around?”

                “Yeah, my dad still owns it,” Liz smiled.

                “Good because I’d kill for a milkshake,” he said before his eyes met Michael’s. “Will you help me downstairs?”

                Michael instantly snapped out of his daze and rushed over, taking Alex’s hand and pulling the arm over his shoulders. Holding Alex tight against him with his other hand, he started leading them towards the elevators when Alex turned back.

                “Well come on, Doc. If you’re off shift, come keep an eye on me.”

                Kyle shook his head before angrily removing his scrubs and following them down the hall. Once the discharge papers had been signed downstairs, Michael steered him towards his truck while the others piled into Kyle’s. Leaving Alex against the passenger side, he opened the door and helped him climb inside, reaching across him to tighten his belt.

                “I’m not an invalid, you know?”

                Michael froze and looked up but the fond smile on Alex’s faced eased his worry away.

                “I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

                “I will be,” Alex whispered, looking down at his hands.

                Michael drowned the urge he felt to reach out and comfort him by shutting the door and climbing behind the wheel. When they were on the road towards the Crashdown, Alex slowly inched his fingers across the bench and took Michael’s hand, making the other man turn to him in surprise.

                “Sorry. I can’t explain it. I just really hate hospitals,” he whispered before patting his leg. “Guess it has something to do with this.”

                Michael turned his palm over so they could properly hold hands, the move making Alex smile.

                “I wish I could remember you,” Alex said again, smiling apologetically. “If this is too much, if I’m too much…”

                “You’ll never be too much,” Michael cut him off, meeting his eyes for a moment, “and you’re worth everything.”

                Alex released a shaky breath before he looked outside his window but he brought their joint hands to hold them over his lap. Michael couldn’t help but smile the rest of the way until they reached the diner. When they walked inside with Michael helping him again, the others were already holding a booth. Alex slid in beside Liz as Michael sat on this other side, Maria and Rosa seated across from them with Kyle at the end.

                “Hey Mr. Ortecho,” Alex greeted, smiling up as Liz’s dad approached them.

                “How are you feeling, son?”

                “Physically okay I guess. The stitches still hurt and the pain in my head refuses to go away,” Alex replied, ignoring the look on Kyle’s face. “I hate missing so much of my past but if I’m being honest, a small part of me is not sure if I want the memories back.”

                He glanced down at his leg for a moment before looking up with a smile, pushing all other feelings away.

                “Can you please make me one of your famous double chocolate milkshakes?”

                “Coming right up,” Arturo smiled. “The rest of you?”

                They placed their orders and Rosa followed her father to help, allowing Kyle to slide in even deeper on the bench.

                “Your stitches and head hurt?” he repeated. “What happened to ‘I feel amazing, Kyle. Stop worrying so much, Kyle’?”

                “Stop worrying so much, Kyle,” Alex repeated. “You said I was away at war for ten years, did three tours. I see evidence of that every time I look down. A little head injury isn’t going to be the thing that does me in.”

                The table grew silent at his words, making Alex glance between them. Before he could question, Rosa returned with a tray, pushing the milkshakes across the table to each of them. When she placed a tray of fries in the middle, Alex turned a grateful smile in her direction.

                “I missed you,” he smiled, reaching for a fry and missing the puzzled looks the others exchanged.

                Dipping the fry in his shake, he slipped it in his mouth before a loud groan escaped his throat, making him lean his head back. Once he opened his eyes and turned his face towards Michael, the other man was staring at him with a look so soft it made Alex’s heart ache inside his chest.

                “Sorry, I just really love the way it tastes,” he shrugged.

                Maria leaned her hand towards him and tilted his chin back up. “I love you. You know that?”

                “Love you too,” he grinned as Liz leaned in to kiss his cheek.

                As the others began easy conversation to keep the mood light, Alex reached under the table to secretly take Michael’s hand again. When he felt Michael tighten their fingers together and pull their hands onto his own lap, he gave him a small smile before focusing on Liz. A few hours passed before Kyle had to leave for the hospital with Liz by his side and Maria had to open the bar while Rosa got roped into working a shift. None agreed to go until Michael assured he would get Alex home and make sure he was okay. Saying their goodbyes in another round of hugs, when Alex was finally back in the truck, he pressed his head against the seat and sighed.

                “I love them all.”

                “Too much?” Michael asked, fastening Alex’s seatbelt again. “I can ask them to back off and give you space.”

                “No! Please don’t do that. I’m fine, I just need to get some rest.”

                Michael watched him for another moment before he put the truck in reverse and pulled out of the lot. They stayed silent through the rest of the drive with Michael secretly disappointed when Alex didn’t hold his hand again. When they parked outside the cabin, Alex climbed out before Michael could reach him.

                “I live _here_?” he asked, looking up in surprise. “But Jim owns the place.”

                “Jim Valenti died a few years back,” Michael said in a quiet voice.

                Alex looked stunned at the news, blinking through the sudden wetness in his eyes.

                “He left you the cabin before he passed.”

                “He was a really good man,” Alex added and Michael didn’t have the heart to correct him.

                They walked up the steps together, Alex using the handles to hoist himself up. Walking through the cabin doors, he took a moment to glance around the place.

                “It looks about the same,” he mused, making his way towards the bedroom. “Would you mind grabbing me a bottle of water? Jim used to keep them in the back pantry because it was cooler. I probably keep them there too.”

                Michael hesitated at the doorway as Alex slowly lowered himself onto the bed. When he noticed Michael hadn’t moved, he frowned up at him.

                “The back pantry?” he repeated before realization hit him. “Have you never been here?”

                “No,” Michael replied, unable to keep the sadness from his voice.

                “I never brought you here? Why?”

                Michael quickly shook his head and offered a small smile to ease the tension from Alex’s shoulders. “We would always just go back to my trailer. It was closer to town and more convenient.”      

                Alex nodded as a thoughtful expression took over his face.

                “Just beyond the fridge on the opposite wall,” he guided.

                When Michael returned moments later with a bottle in hand, Alex had already leaned back over the covers, sleeping on his side, curled in on himself with his hands tucked against his chest. They watched each other in silence before Michael moved forward and placed the bottle on the nightstand.

                “Are you okay? Do you need anything?”

                Alex shook his head, avoiding his eyes. Michael reached for the covers and gently tucked him in. Unable to help himself, he reached down with one hand and brushed his fingers through Alex’s hair, making the other man’s eyes flutter. When he turned around to leave, Alex reached out to grab his hand.

                “Will you stay?” he asked before blinking nervously. “On the couch, I mean. I just…it’s my first night here. I don’t want to be alone.”

                “I wasn’t going to leave,” Michael assured him, smiling down softly. “I’ll be on the couch if you need anything.”

                “Thank you, Alex whispered, his voice so small and fragile that all Michael wanted was to slide into bed and hold him.

                Swallowing the urge, he turned and walked out of the room, settling himself down on the couch and rubbing his tired eyes. Eventually rising back to his feet, he busied himself by cleaning the kitchen, needing the monotonous work to ease the worry and heartbreak he was feeling. By the time evening came, the kitchen had been scrubbed spotless and the small living space tidied away. Using a spare pillow and blanket from the hallway closet, he laid down on the couch and closed his eyes. Mere minutes passed before he heard a gentle shuffle towards him and looked up to see Alex standing a few feet away.

                “Is everything okay?” he asked, starting to rise when Alex moved forward and pushed him back down.

                “It’s fine, I’m sorry,” he replied, biting his lip. “I shouldn’t have bothered you.”

                “You never bother me,” Michael replied honestly. “Just talk to me, please.”

                “I don’t remember you,” he blurted, his words making the pain inside Michael’s heart grow. “But I see the way you look at me.”

                “I’m sorry,” Michael looked down.

                “I like the way you look at me,” Alex confessed and Michael snapped his gaze back up. “I don’t know you but I feel warm and safe when you look at me the way you do. I feel loved.”

                Michael swallowed hard, unsure how to react.

                “I know it may be a weird request right now, considering you’re a stranger to me,” Alex started. “But would you mind if I slept here with you?”

                Michael looked at him in surprise, his expression making Alex change his footing.

                “If it’s too weird, I’ll go,” he quickly corrected. “I just…I feel safe around you.”

                “All I’ve ever wanted was to keep you safe,” Michael whispered before lifting the edge of the blanket. “You look at me right now and you see a stranger but you have no idea what it means to me that you came here.”

                Alex smiled nervously before sitting on the edge of the couch. He followed the steps he had seen Michael take that morning and unhooked the prosthetic from his leg. Laying down on the couch, he held his hands against his chest as Michael quietly pulled the blanket over their bodies.

                “Are you comfy?”

                Alex nodded and waited another second before turning around, tucking himself close against Michael and pressing his head under Michael’s chin, his hands pushing between them. Michael took a sharp breath before he slowly slid his arm around Alex, holding him tight against his body.

                “Go to sleep,” he whispered, slipping his other arm beneath the pillow and bringing his hand up to bury the fingers in Alex’s hair.

                He heard Alex release a content sigh and blinked back his tears. The man in his arms was Alex but without the memories of everything they had shared. He felt the connection with Michael but couldn’t remember any of their moments. Tightening his arms around him, Michael let himself take comfort from the fact that Alex was there with him and had sought him out in a moment of weakness. He hoped that everything else would eventually fall into place. For now, holding Alex was enough. It was everything.


	4. FOUR

*****

 

                Alex felt a pair of strong arms holding him and opened his eyes to see Michael fast asleep. Rubbing his tiredness away, he took a moment to watch the other man’s peaceful face. His curls were tousled, adorably spread over his forehead. When Alex felt his hand reach out to play with the curls, he froze midair and slowly pulled back. The connection he felt between them was overwhelming, especially when his memories remained blank. Gently untangling himself from the embrace, Alex sat on the edge of the couch and reached for his prosthetic, careful not to wake him.

                Taking one final glance at Michael, Alex slipped down the hall towards the bathroom. When he walked back out to the kitchen minutes later, Michael was still pressed into the couch, lost in slumber. Quietly moving through his cabinets, he made himself a cup of coffee and sat on the barstool, letting his eyes wander back to Michael again. He was halfway through his cup when Michael stirred on the couch, reaching for the spot where Alex had been and opening his eyes when he found it empty. Glancing around the room, his gaze landed on Alex and he quickly pulled himself up.

                “Is everything okay?”

                “Everything’s fine,” Alex said, offering a neutral smile. “Sorry about last night.”

                “That’s okay,” Michael started, rising to his feet with a smile.

                “No, it’s not,” Alex replied.

                Michael paused at the seriousness in his voice and took a small step back.

                “I’m sorry,” he started, unsure what he was apologizing for but feeling the need to do so.

                “No, it was my fault. I shouldn’t have come to you like that. It was inappropriate.”

                Michael watched him for a few beats, feeling the ache inside his heart grow.

                “No worries,” he shook his head and cleared his throat. “I’ll get out of your hair. I’ll see you later, okay?”

                Without waiting for a response, he walked out of the door and straight to his truck outside as Alex watched him go, lowering his head in regret. He was halfway to his trailer before he let a single tear fall from his eyes. When he pulled by the Airstream twenty minutes later, he sighed at Isobel who waved at him from one of the chairs outside. Wiping at his eyes, he climbed out and made his way towards her.

                “Hey Michael, where have you…,” she started before her smile fell. “What’s wrong?”

                “Nothing,” he shrugged but she stood and stepped in his path before he could disappear inside.

                “Sit. Talk,” she demanded, pushing him into one of the chairs and sitting beside him. “What happened?”

                “Took Alex home last night,” he started, leaning back in his seat with a heavy sigh. “Slept on the couch and he came out and said he couldn’t explain it, but he felt safe with me. He felt the connection between us. I held him all night and he slept in my arms.”

                “That’s adorable,” she gushed before the look in his eyes made her frown. “So what’s wrong then? Isn’t that a good sign? That he’s not pushing you away?”

                “Yeah, it was amazing until I woke up and he was already awake, sitting at the kitchen, detached and all but wanted me to go,” he replied. “Do you know how many times I’ve fallen asleep with him by my side, holding him in my arms, in all these years? A grand total of three times.”

                “Michael, I’m sorry,” she said, reaching out to touch his arm. “But you have to be patient with him. He doesn’t remember you. He feels the connection but it doesn’t connect in his head. He woke up just a few days ago, thinking he was still fifteen and learning he was twenty-eight and gay and had been to war and lost his leg…”

                “Alright, you don’t need to go through all the painful events. I get it,” he cut her off.

                “All I’m saying is, he doesn’t have a roadmap on how to navigate through all of this. If he becomes scared or overwhelmed, you can’t hold that against him.”

                “I know,” Michael agreed, rubbing his eyes. “What do I do, Iz? I don’t want to push him but I can’t stay away.”

                “What if you take him down memory lane?” she suggested. “Is there a place that’s particularly special to the two of you?”

                “There’s his father’s shed. That’s where we slept together for the first time,” he said and blushed when she smiled. “But it doesn’t have the best memories there either.”

                “Alright, so maybe you can leave the shed for another day. Anywhere else?”

                Michael thought for a moment before nodding. “Yeah, there is actually.”

                “Good! Take him there. Tell him why it matters to the two of you. I’m not saying his memories will magically come back but show him why that connection is there between you.”

                “Yeah, I like that,” he said and jumped to his feet.

                “Not right now, though,” she laughed, rising to stop him. “First, you need a shower. You want to smell good for your man, don’t you?”

                He groaned at her words but followed her direction and walked inside his trailer.

                *****

                Climbing out of his truck, Alex slowly made his way towards the hospital entrance as Kyle rushed out to meet him.

                “You drove here yourself?” Kyle demanded. “What happened to Guerin? You have a head injury, Alex!”

                “I’m fine,” Alex rolled his eyes. “Surprised that I knew how to drive considering I didn’t have a license at my last memory.”

                Kyle sighed before taking his arm and leading him inside.

                “What happened to Guerin?”

                “He had to go,” Alex replied vaguely.

                “Then you should have called Liz or Maria or…”

                “Hey!” Alex cut him off, stopping in the middle of the hallway. “I appreciate how much you care but I can take care of myself. I don’t need anyone babysitting me.”

                “You almost died, Alex. Do you get that?”

                “Seriously?” Alex chuckled and pointed to his abdomen, his head and finally his leg. “Almost dying seems to be a habit of mine.”

                “That’s not funny,” Kyle frowned.

                “It’s a little funny,” Alex smiled before the look in Kyle’s eyes made him sigh. “Look, I have enough overwhelming emotions when I’m around Michael. Can you and I please not have that? You texted me that I need to have my bandages changed.”

                Reaching into his pocket, he withdrew his fancy phone and waved it.

                “Which by the way, phones didn’t look like this when I was fifteen and thanks for telling me what my password was.”

                Kyle smiled for the first time since Alex walked in. “How did you guess it?”

                “Made six failed attempts before I did,” he replied, slipping it back in his pocket.

                “Well, now I need to know,” Kyle mused as they started walking down the hall again. “What’s your password?”

                “I’m not telling you,” Alex scoffed, following Kyle into an empty exam room.

                “Let me guess. 0617 for June 17th?”

                “How the hell did you know that?” Alex asked, slowly pulling himself up onto the gurney.

                “You told me two weeks ago when I got you drunk at a bar outside town,” Kyle grinned, pulling the medical tray towards them. “That’s Guerin’s birthday.”

                “Shut up,” he grumbled. “It’s weird though, a bunch of four digit numbers are seared in my brain. I’m guessing they’re pin numbers for credit cards or whatever and this was one of them.”

                Kyle started gently pulling the bandage away from around his temple.

                “How can I remember how to drive and a bunch of passwords but I can’t remember people?”

                “Amnesia works differently on people. Even with all the tests we can run, we still can’t tell you when or if the memories will come back.”

                Alex sighed and winced when the last part of the bandage came off. Kyle peered at the wound behind his head and smiled.

                “It’s healing good. You didn’t open any of the stitches,” he said and leaned back, grabbing a thinner bandage to fit behind his head instead of wrapping around. “Look, just don’t push yourself too hard. Take it one day at a time. Hopefully things will come back when they’re meant to.”

                “Until then, at least I have my best friend, right?” Alex asked, glancing up at Kyle who swallowed hard before looking away and attaching the bandage.

                When he was done with the task, he moved back to dispose of the supplies.

                “Kyle, what’s going on? Every time I mention that we’re best friends, you act really weird.”

                “Nothing,” he shook his head, turning to Alex with his most convincing smile. “You up for some lunch?”

                “Kyle,” Alex reached out to grab his arm. “Whatever it is, please tell me. I don’t like when people walk on eggshells around me.”

                “That’s a big part of the Alex you don’t remember,” Kyle started before he sighed and leaned back against the counter, crossing his arms at his chest. “We had a falling out junior and senior year.”

                “What happened?” Alex asked, frowning at him.

                Kyle shifted on his legs before replying. “Rumors started going around that you were gay and in typical, jerkish, teenage fashion, I treated you like everyone else did.”

                “What do you mean?”

                “I bullied you, okay?” Kyle blurted, looking away in shame. “I was afraid that people would think I was gay too if we were still friends so I distanced myself and I pushed you away and one day, I just started joining the other kids.”

                Alex swallowed hard, looking down at the floor as his eyes began to glaze.

                “I was a dumb, stupid kid. I know that’s no excuse but it’s the truth,” Kyle sighed. “This one day, it was towards the beginning, I laid into you pretty hard in the hallway and you were seconds away from crying, man. You walked away as my so-called posse laughed at you and congratulated me as if bullying someone was an accomplishment. As if hurting someone I strongly cared about was a good thing. After that, you never let anyone see you hurt again. In front of people, you never backed down.”

                Alex wiped a hand over his eyes and Kyle took a step forward to reach out before stopping midway.

                “Liz and I were dating back then. I lost her as my girlfriend because of how I was and that hurt,” he said before looking up at Alex again. “But losing you hurt more, man. I’m so sorry for everything.”

                “Are we…?” Alex started, taking a deep breath. “Are we friends again? Or do you still hate me?”

                “I never hated you,” Kyle shook his head and stepped forward until Alex met his eyes. “The past few months, we started reconnecting again over some stuff related to our dads and it’s not what we were as kids, but I think you may have started to forgive me. It’s been really nice, being around you again.”

                Alex nodded and stayed quiet for several moments before finally speaking. “Guess you still have a lot of making up to do.”

                When Kyle frowned, Alex raised his brows.

                “You said something about lunch?”

                Kyle smiled and helped Alex off the gurney. “I’m still on shift. Will cafeteria food do?”

                “Lead the way,” Alex said as they left the room and made their way down the hall. “So I don’t hate you anymore?”

                “I sincerely hope not,” Kyle said with a sheepish smile.

                “Do I talk to you…about things?”

                “Things?” Kyle frowned as they walked into the cafeteria and made their way to the counter. “Do you mean Guerin?”

                “Don’t be a jerk,” Alex warned him. “If you are, I’ll leave.”

                “No!” Kyle protested. “I promise, I don’t have a problem with that. I never did. That was just me being…”

                “A dumb, stupid kid?” Alex supplied.

                “To put it simply, yeah,” Kyle sighed. “But to answer your question, yes. You did start talking to me about Guerin.”

                They reached the attendant and ordered their meals, grabbing their trays and walking to an empty table at the back.

                “What did I say about him?” Alex asked, feigning indifference but Kyle was able to see through him and smiled.

                “Well, when you finally started loosening up around me, you said some stuff that was downright romantic.”

                “That doesn’t sound like me,” Alex protested. “Emo goth teenager, remember?”

                “With a heart of gold and a rare kindness that put everyone else to shame,” Kyle replied, his voice sincere.

                Alex looked away embarrassed as Kyle chuckled lightly.

                “You told me how much you loved him,” he said and Alex met his eyes again. “That your whole life, you had never loved anyone like him and you knew you never would.”

                “Why did things go so badly between us then?” Alex asked. “He mentioned my dad reacted badly back in senior year but that we reconnected again when I came back from war last year. What ruined it?”

                “All I know is that you guys had an argument and you walked away but then when you were ready, he wasn’t I guess.”

                “That doesn’t sound too bad,” Alex mused. “He mentioned that he thought I only wanted friendship so he tried to move on.”

                “Yeah, he tried and he failed miserably,” Kyle said, his voice growing bitter.

                “That doesn’t sound bad,” Alex repeated. “What am I missing?”

                Kyle looked up from his food and smiled. “Nothing, man. That’s it. You guys just always had bad timing but your connection is real. Even I could see it. Maybe this is your _second_ second chance.”

                Alex watched him for a moment before shrugging in acceptance. They kept the rest of their conversation light until Kyle had to return and Alex made his way back to the cabin. He took a sharp breath when he saw Michael waiting for him outside, dressed in fresh clothes and looking good in a way that made Alex want to reach out and touch him. Swallowing the overwhelming urge, he climbed out as Michael slowly approached him.

                “What are you doing back here?”

                “I want to show you something,” Michael started, reaching out his hand. “Will you come somewhere with me?”

                Alex stared down at the extended hand for several beats before he slowly slipped his own hand against it. Michael smiled, squeezing his fingers before leading them towards his own truck. Once they were buckled and on their way back to town, Alex turned to face him.

                “Where are we going?”

                “It’s a surprise,” Michael smiled, tilting to face him. “Do you trust me?”

                “It doesn’t make any sense but I do.”

                Michael’s smile grew as they drove the rest of the way in comfortable silence. When he pulled outside the UFO Emporium, Alex frowned as he climbed out onto the sidewalk.

                “You brought me to a museum?” he asked, following Michael to the entrance. “I’m guessing there’s a significance?”

                “Just come with me,” Michael said, showing the tickets he had purchased earlier and leading Alex inside.

                The visitors were scarce for a weekday midafternoon, allowing them enough privacy to wander the museum without disruption. Alex watched the UFO displays as they walked from one room to another before stopping beneath a giant spaceship.

                “Seriously, what gives?”

                Michael smiled and pointed to a doorway at the end of the hall. Alex squinted his eyes but made his way towards the room. As he stepped through the door, he took in the dark, starry mural painted on all the walls as a smaller spaceship hung on display in the center of the room.

                “They renovated the whole place a few months ago but this room, they left it intact. It was one of the first rooms they had built and put on display so some sentimental members of the board opted to leave it as is. Worked out for me in the end,” Michael chuckled.

                “Why is this place important?” Alex asked, turning to face him.

                Michael watched him for a few nervous moments before licking his lips and smiling.

                “You used to work here junior and senior year. Things weren’t the best at home so any excuse to not be there, you took,” he said, his voice gentle as Alex bit his lip. “You and I didn’t really connect until second semester of senior year. One day, I borrowed your guitar from the music room and you realized I had taken it and came out to confront me. We’d never spoken before but I felt this weird vibe between us. You mentioned me sleeping in my truck…”

                “Why were you sleeping in your truck?” Alex cut in.

                “I was in foster care growing up,” Michael replied, running a hand through his hair. “The homes weren’t really good so when I was old enough to get my license and buy my beat up old truck, it was better sleeping there.”

                “I’m sorry,” Alex said, the sincerity in his voice making Michael want to reach out and pull him in.

                “Anyway, after you said that, I mentioned something about the rumors about you and if they were true,” he shrugged sheepishly.

                “About me being gay?” Alex asked and Michael nodded. “Yeah, I spoke with Kyle earlier. He explained a lot about how he was to me…back then.”

                “I’m sorry about _that_ ,” Michael offered.

                “That’s okay. I get the feeling that I may have started forgiving him,” Alex shrugged. “Besides, the Kyle I’ve seen the past few days, so worried and protective over me doesn’t sound like the guy he says he was in high school.”

                “I still haven’t forgiven him yet.”

                “Do you mean because of me?”

                “Yeah,” Michael breathed out. “Anyone that hurts you, anyone that’s ever hurt you, not easy for me to forget.”

                Alex’s eyes fluttered and he bit his lip again.

                “Anyway, you kind of deflated after that and mentioned your home situation wasn’t good either. Then you offered me your father’s tool shed. Said it was warm and safe and I could use it to sleep in if I wanted.”

                “That kind of sounds like me,” Alex mused, his words making Michael smile.

                “Next time we really interacted was at prom. Kyle and his friends were being jerks. Sorry,” he said as Alex nodded. “He followed you outside and was going at you but you stood your ground. He threw the first punch, you hit back and I jumped in between you and pushed him off. I couldn’t really explain it but I felt this need to protect you even though you were doing a fine enough job yourself.”

                “My hero?” Alex asked, a gentle smile on his face.

                Michael flushed and cleared his throat. “After prom, I started staying in the shed and one night, you saw me and came over. You gave me your brother’s guitar so I could play. Another act of kindness without any expectation.”

                “So I was pretty awesome, basically?” Alex asked.

                Michael chuckled and took a small step towards him.

                “You always have been. It hurts that you couldn’t see it sometimes,” he replied, a sadness in his eyes that made Alex look away. “I started playing and told you why it mattered to me, because it helped silence all the chaos in my head. Then you leaned in and tried to kiss me.”

                “I made the first move?” Alex asked with a scoff. “That outward confidence was just that. On the outside.”

                “Well, you carried it well most of the time, except when you let yourself be vulnerable,” Michael said. “With me.”

                Alex swallowed and changed his footing.

                “Sorry, do you want to sit?” Michael asked, suddenly remember his prosthetic.

                “No, I’m fine. Keep going,” he assured him. “So that was our first kiss?”

                “No, actually, I pulled away at the last second,” Michael cringed when he saw the look on Alex’s face.

                “You rejected me?”

                “I was shocked! I’d never kissed a guy before that!” Michael exclaimed.

                “So much for that outward confidence. Did I crawl under a rock and die of embarrassment?”

                “No,” Michael smiled, reaching out to hold his arms, rubbing up and down. “I was talking with Max at the Crashdown and he started going on and on about his crush for Liz like he always did. But he said something that stuck out to me, said that they were these moments worth fighting for and I realized that with you, it was one of those moments.”

                “So you came crawling back?” Alex asked, breathing shallow as he felt a tingling warmth from where Michael was rubbing his arms.

                “You were working here but it was much smaller back then so there were no visitors. I came by and asked if we could talk privately,” Michael said, taking another small step closer, the sudden proximity making Alex’s breath hitch. “We came to this room and you told me to get on with it. I just stood there, looking at you like I am now and I could tell you were expecting rejection again. So I leaned in and kissed you.”

                He brought his face closer until they were breathing the same air, never once breaking eye contact.

                “You were surprised but when the shock wore off, that was one hell of a second kiss.”

                Alex’s eyes fluttered as he felt his heart beating wildly in his chest.

                “That was the moment I knew I loved you,” Michael added, his voice gentle. “Right here in this room, with one kiss, I was yours.”

                Alex licked the sudden dryness of his lips and took a breath. “Kiss me.”

                Michael swayed before wetting his own lips. “Are you sure?”

                “Kiss me,” he repeated. “Please?”

                Unable to hold back any longer, Michael lunged forward and crashed their lips together, the suddenness of the kiss making Alex groan before his arms slid around Michael’s neck. They stayed locked together, bodies pressed close as Michael wrapped one arm around his waist, using his other hand to tilt Alex’s head for better access to his mouth, careful of the bandage at the back. When they pulled away, desperate for air, Alex let out a shuddering breath, his hands running through Michael’s curls and holding tight.

                “I can see what you mean,” he whispered. “That _is_ one hell of a kiss. Is it like that every time between us?”

                “Every time,” Michael smiled, his eyes glazing over. “Never failed once to make me want more. I could never get enough of you.”

                “Then what’s stopping you?”

                The moment the words left his mouth, Michael reached back in to kiss him again, his hands roaming Alex’s body, leaving a hot trail in their wake. A sudden vibration between them made them pull away and Alex groaned as he reached into his pocket.

                “Yeah?” he breathed into the phone, tilting his head to the side as Michael started leaving kisses down his throat. “Hi Liz. I’m fine. Sorry, you what?”

                He pushed Michael away to concentrate on the call but Michael gave a pout and pulled him back in, pulling his collar down and sucking at the skin.

                “Yeah, we’ll be there. Alright, bye.”

                Hanging up, he shoved the phone back in his pocket before dragging Michael’s lips back to his.

                “Liz asked me to come to the Wild Pony. Said we should all have a fun night,” Alex panted, pulling away and holding Michael back with shaky hands.

                “Did I come on too strong?” Michael asked worriedly.

                “No,” Alex shook his head. “I can feel my heart pounding. It feels right.”

                Michael smiled and pressed their foreheads together, each taking a few moments to get their breathing under control.

                “Will you come with me?” Alex asked, sliding his fingers across Michael’s parted lips.

                Michael pressed a gentle kiss to the fingers before leaning back. Extending his hand, he pulled Alex to him and they smiled before walking out.

                “Look at me,” Alex chuckled, glancing at his face and neck in the mirror once they were back in the truck.

                “You look perfect,” Michael winked, proud of the small bruises that were already beginning to form on Alex’s neck.

                “Just drive and stop looking so damn proud,” Alex grumbled but the smile on his face gave him away.

                Michael reached across the bench to hold his hand before they drove away from the museum towards the bar.


	5. FIVE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Difficult writing a battle scene. Hope I did OK :)

*****

 

                “Hey,” Liz said, plopping down at the bar in front of Maria. “How are you?”

                “Good,” Maria smiled, using her rag to finish polishing the glasses.

                When she felt Liz hesitating, Maria lowered the rag and leaned forward on her elbows.

                “Out with it. Tell your best friend what’s on your mind.”

                Liz glanced to where Max, Isobel and Kyle were seated at one of the booths, waiting for the others to show, before turning back to her friend.

                “Are you going to tell him?”

                “Tell who what?”

                “Alex,” Liz added. “Are you going to tell him you and Michael had a thing, however brief?”

                Maria leaned back and straightened. “No.”

                “He knows about you guys.”

                “But he doesn’t remember.”

                Liz gave her a look that made Maria deflate.

                “I know I have to but when I found out he knew, when I realized how much I had hurt him, I hated myself, Liz,” she replied, sighing sadly. “I love him so much, you know? Like a brother and I hate that I even thought of pursuing something with Guerin, much less actually doing it without talking to Alex first. The only thing on my side is that it was so brief and Guerin and I both realized that we only wanted friendship. But I kissed him, either way, knowing how Alex felt about him and Alex found out. I don’t know if it makes me a terrible person but him not having his memories right now, I guess it’s just nice knowing he doesn’t hate me at the moment.”

                “Alex could never hate you,” Liz comforted before sighing. “When I gave you that advice, I didn’t take Alex’s feelings into consideration either. To be honest, him and I haven’t been close with each other even though we’ve been in the same town all these months. Not like the two of you. You guys reconnected again but with Alex and I, there’s distance and that’s something I want to change.”

                “That just makes what I did even worse,” Maria said, looking away.

                “None of us are perfect,” Liz started. “We’ve all made mistakes. If Alex from last week, before he got amnesia, was standing here, even if he was angry at you and heartbroken and disappointed, he’d still tell you the same thing.”

                “I wish he could see himself the way I do,” Maria smiled. “The way Guerin does. Liz, the way they feel about each other? God, the way Guerin looks at him? It’s the kind of love that makes you believe in true love, you know?”

                Kyle cackled in the background and they glanced over for a moment before turning back.

                “I hate that he was hurt at that facility. I hate that that he doesn’t remember so much of his life right now, moments that make him who he is. While I’m at it, I hate that you guys all knew about the alien business and kept me out of it,” Maria said, squinting her eyes as Liz smiled sheepishly. “But I just don’t want to tell him anything yet. He’s got enough on his plate right now but not just that. He means so much to me, Liz. I just want to hold onto that for a while longer. Does that make me a terrible person?”

                “You don’t want to hurt him. I can understand that.”

                They shared a smile just as the doors opened.

                “Let’s go get drunk,” Maria suggested, walking past the counter and leading Liz towards the booth.  
  
                Alex slipped into the empty side next to Kyle, Michael sliding in beside him. Maria and Isobel sat opposite while Liz leaned against Max to round out the group.

                “How’s your head?” Kyle quickly asked.

                “My head is fine. Stop being a doctor for a minute,” Alex laughed, reaching for one of the beers when Kyle grabbed his arm.

                “You’re on pain meds!” he exclaimed, dragging the beer away and taking a sip himself. “Water is all you get.”

                Maria pushed the lone bottle of water towards him with a laugh. Grabbing it with a grumble, Alex took a large swallow and slammed it back down.

                “Hey, listen to the good doctor,” Michael whispered, leaning in towards him.

                Alex turned to meet his gaze, suddenly breathless at their proximity. “Alright.”

                Michael smirked and purposely looked down at his lips before leaning back and turning to the others.

                “How are you feeling?” Liz asked from the other end of the booth.

                “I’m fine,” he smiled, pointing to Michael. “This one took me on a romantic trip down memory lane, all hugs and kisses. Such a softie.”

                Michael blushed crimson and looked away as Liz and Isobel made gushing noises. Maria looked between the two with a gentle smile before she reached out to take Alex’s hand.

                “This one’s head over heels for you, Alex,” she said, a sincerity in her voice that made Michael nod in appreciation.

                “I’m starting to get that,” Alex replied, looking over at him. “I guess he’s okay too.”

                The table chuckled at Michael’s expense before Max started describing his latest case from that morning. Reaching under the table, Michael laced their fingers together, bringing their joint hands back onto his own lap.

                “Hard on the outside but a gooey marshmallow inside,” Alex teased, watching him with a fondness that made Michael want to drag him out to his truck.

                Swallowing his urge, he leaned in just a bit closer towards Alex’s ear. “I really enjoyed our kiss before.”

                “Me too,” Alex said, his voice breathless again. “You keep doing that to me. I get all breathless around you.”

                Michael bit his lip before he grabbed Alex’s free hand and pressed it over his heart, letting him hear the rapid beating underneath.

                “This is what you do to me,” he whispered. “All the time.”

                Before Alex could respond, Isobel groaned from the opposite bench.

                “More mushiness?” she complained as all eyes traveled to them again. “Here I thought if Alex didn’t have his memories, you’d tone it down a little.”

                “Isobel,” Michael snapped, looking at her angrily.

                Alex looked between them and shrugged to ease the sudden tension.

                “Sorry but I like mushiness. At least I think I do,” Alex said and grabbed Michael's face to press a kiss to his lips.

                Isobel rolled her eyes but smiled and the tension disappeared, the table starting up conversation again. When they were three beers in, Maria rose to her feet and declared a dance off. Rushing to the jukebox, she made a selection and turned towards them, pointing her fingers out just as Cyndi Lauper started blasting through the speakers. When the group began laughing but no one rose, Maria made her way over and dragged Liz to her feet before pushing Kyle out of the booth and grabbing Alex. Pulling her two friends with her, the three tangled arms together and began moving on the dance floor, laughing at their own ridiculous moves.

                “How is everything going?” Isobel asked, dragging Michael’s attention back from the dancing trio.

                “Good, I think,” he smiled. “Took him to the UFO Emporium. That’s where we first kissed back in high school.”

                “Your first kiss was in the museum?” Kyle asked before chuckling.

                “He worked there,” Michael pointed out.

                “Did you get it on behind the spaceships?” Max teased but held his hands up when he saw Michael’s glare.

                “He still doesn’t remember anything,” Michael sighed, turning back to Isobel. “But we’re making progress, I think. He understands how I feel about him. I just hope I’m not pushing too hard.”

                Isobel looked over at the trio laughing and shook her head. “I think he’s just fine.”

                The song came to an end and a slow one took over. When the intro for Keep on Loving You started by REO Speedwagon, Liz grabbed Max and pulled him into a dance. Maria smiled at Alex and gave him an encouraging nod towards Michael before walking up to Kyle and Isobel, watching both before grabbing Isobel’s hand.

                “What are you doing?” Isobel glared.

                “Stop moping,” Maria replied, pulling Isobel forward and holding her close as they began to sway.

                Everyone exchanged glances before bursting into laughter as Alex made his way towards Michael, reaching out to take his hand.

                “Dance with me?”

                “I’m not the best dancer."

                “Did you see my moves earlier? I’m not exactly Michael Jackson either,” Alex laughed before pulling Michael towards him. “Just hold me?”

                Michael’s smile widened in a way that made Alex’s heart flutter. When they faced each other on the dance floor, Michael stepped in close and locked his arms around his waist, leaving Alex to drape his arms around his shoulders.

                “This is nice,” Michael whispered, pressing their foreheads together.

                “Okay, odd man out!” Kyle waved at the group. “What am I, dancing with myself?”

                When no one bothered to reply, he scoffed and grabbed his beer before swaying to the music on his own.

                “Am I pushing you too hard?” Michael suddenly asked, pulling away.

                “What do you mean?” Alex frowned.

                “I mean, being around you, being with you is everything to me but if it’s too much, if you need…”

                He didn’t get to finish his sentence as Alex dragged him in and pressed their lips together, slipping his tongue inside Michael’s mouth, the gentle sweep making the other man groan and tighten his arms.

                **_And I meant, every word I said_**  
**_When I said that I loved you, I meant_**  
**_That I love you forever_**

                “Does that answer your question?” Alex asked, pulling back.

                Michael blinked slowly before he leaned in and captured his mouth again, tilting Alex’s head for better access.

                **_And I’m gonna keep on loving you_**  
**_‘Cause it’s the only thing I wanna do_**  
**_I don’t wanna sleep_**  
**_I just wanna keep on loving you_**

                Leaning back, they smiled at one another and pressed their foreheads together again. Swaying to the music, Michael lowered his head until his face was pushed against Alex’s throat, opening his mouth to leave a wet, heated kiss. He felt Alex gasp in his arms but only tightened his embrace as he slid his teeth down the soft skin. When the song came to an end, they pulled back and gazed at one another breathlessly, unaware of the world around them. A sudden backfire from a car outside burst through the silence, making Alex flinch back. When the second and third backfire sounded, Alex jumped out of Michael’s arms and stumbled backwards.

                “Alex, what it is?” Michael hurried after him but he lost his footing and fell to the ground.

                He grabbed his head and let out a painful sob.

                “Alex!” Michael’s voice grew faint until he couldn’t hear it at all.

                -----------

                _“Hit the wall!” Major WIlliams ordered as gunfire poured down from the rooftops._

_Pressing against the structure, the soldiers aimed their weapons through the cracks overhead and fired back._

_“When’s evac coming?” Williams shouted, looking to the soldier on his right._

_“They said ten minutes for evac, Sir!”_

_“We’ll be dead in ten minutes,” Williams swore before he turned to Alex. “What do you think, Captain?”_

_Alex looked at their unit Commander and took in his shaking hands. Closing the distance between them, he grabbed his superior’s collar and pulled him in._

_“All due respect, but get it together, Sir!” he hissed, glancing at the five other frightened soldiers around them. “They need their leader right now so lead.”_

_Williams watched him for a moment before swallowing. “This is my first patrol as unit Commander. What should we do?”_

_Swearing under his breath, Alex looked up at the roof through a sliver of space and pulled back when a bullet ricocheted past his shoulder. When gunfire sounded from the opposite end of the alleyway, he reached for his own radio._

_“Bravo 24, this is Kilo 25. Come in. Over.”_

_“This is 24. Go ahead.”_

_“Anderson, it’s Manes. Is that you shooting up the hostiles?”_

_“Roger that.”_

_“Take the northeast corner. We’ll set up a perimeter and try to keep them pinned. Infiltrate from behind and take them out.”_

_“This is Bravo 24. Roger that. Moving there now.”_

_Alex lowered his radio and watched as the other Ranger unit moved down the alleyway towards the northeast point._

_“Bishop, Mitchell, Hunter,” he called out to the three soldiers on his left. “Anderson’s going to infiltrate from the northeast. We need to keep the focus on us.”_

_“We’re bait?” Williams whispered._

_“Winston, Miller, take the end of the alleyway. Keep an eye on your corner and watch your sixes. But be careful what you shoot at. People do live here.”_

_The soldiers ducked past the bullets and rushed towards the end of the alley as Williams grabbed Alex’s arm._

_“They said evac will be here in ten minutes! Where the hell are they?”_

_Alex yanked his arm free and moved behind Bishop as the Private emptied a round of ammo upwards._

_“We going to get out of this, Cap?” he asked, loading another round._

_“Have I ever lied to you?” Alex replied, offering a smile that he hoped would ease the younger man._

_“No Sir,” the Private shook his head, his fingers fidgeting on his trigger._

_“Jimmy, take a deep breath. This is what you trained for, alright?”_

_When the Private nodded and started firing again, Alex grabbed his radio._

_“Anderson, what’s your status?”_

_“They’re all over the place, Captain,” the voice came through followed by a heavy exchange of gunfire._

_“We’re not getting out of here,” Williams mumbled from the side._

_“Holy shit! There’s a kid!” Jimmy suddenly pointed to the open space beyond the structures._

_“Anzal!” Alex shouted._

_The little boy stumbled forward, crying through his shock, blood smeared on his clothing._ _Alex tried yelling again but the boy began trembling and stared back at them through frightened eyes._

_Acting on instinct, he quickly moved away from the wall. “Watch my six!”_

_As two of the soldiers pushed out to cover him, Alex ran out into the open space. Ducking from the stray bullets overhead, he grabbed the boy and rushed behind a parked vehicle just as the metal body got riddled with bullets._

_“La bas bih,” he tried soothing him before grabbing his radio again. “Anderson, status!?”_

_“We’re about to breach.”_

_Before Alex could answer, he saw the boy’s eyes suddenly widen. Spinning around, Alex had one second to gasp at the gun aimed at his head before the hostile fell._

_“I got your back, Captain,” Jimmy smiled, moving towards them._

_“Get down!” Alex shouted just as gunfire tore through the soldier._

_Watching the Private go down, Alex aimed his weapon and fired at the open doorway west of his point. When the hostile ducked inside for cover, he ran out into the open space and dragged Jimmy to safety. The Private grabbed his left side, pulling his hand back to show the blood seeping through._

_“Where the hell is evac?” Alex shouted into his radio._

_“RPG!” the scream came above ground._

_Covering them both, Alex ducked his head as an explosion rattled through the air, destroying the edge of the building and bringing rubble down onto the men below._

_“Can you hold your weapon?” Alex asked, pushing Jimmy so he was sitting._

_The young soldier coughed up blood but nodded through tearful eyes, holding his weapon at his chest._

_“If anyone comes this way, you make sure you keep yourself and this kid alive, alright?”_

_He waited until Jimmy nodded before grabbing his radio again. “Anderson, give me an update!”_

_“They have us pinned down, Sir!”_

_“Fuck!” he shouted, lifting his rifle and shooting a round as he sprint towards the destruction. Winston was pulling a wounded Miller away, the side of his own face caked with blood._

_“Get over to Bishop and then get yourselves to the southeast wall,” Alex shouted._

_“What about you?”_

_“Just go!” he yelled, moving towards the Major who was pinned beneath the rubble._

_“Some day this turned out to be, didn’t it?” Williams chuckled, his anxiety bleeding through his words. “Get me out of here, Manes.”_

_Alex turned towards Mitchell, reaching down to cover the large wound in the Private’s side as Hunter crawled beside them._

_“How are you doing, Mitchell?”_

_“Hurts like hell, Captain,” the Private cried, biting his lip to mute his pain. “Bet you’re making a list of all the people you want to kill for making you come out here with us, aren’t you Cap?”_

_“Didn’t think the front lines was included when they set me up as a codebreaker,” Alex chuckled, his lightness making the two younger men smile. “Get on the radio. Where the hell is rescue?”_

_Hunter grabbed his comms as Alex turned to the Major._  
  
               _"We’re sitting ducks here. The others are at the southeast wall. We got to go.”_

_“I can’t walk! Mitchell’s lost who knows how much blood. How the hell are we going to manage that?”_

_“We’ll manage it when you grow a set of balls and man up!” Alex growled, ignoring the wide eyed look Williams gave him._

_“You can’t undermine me like that! I’m your Superior!”_

_“Shut up, Major!” Mitchell snapped, pressing his head against the wall. “We getting out of here alive, Captain?”_

_“No one’s dying today,” he said as the Private nodded._

_“They’re still five minutes out, Sir,” Hunter cut in._

_The gunfire overhead raged past their shoulders as Alex pushed both men to their feet._

_“Get to the southeast corner. I’ll cover you.”_

_Rushing to the opposite side of the road, Alex ducked in a doorway and started firing at the rooftop above. When the hostiles pulled back to reload, the two Privates struggled towards safety across the open space._

_“What about us?” Williams shouted, grabbing at his broken leg._

_“Can you put any weight on it?”_

_“Are you crazy?”_

_“Just get up!” Alex snapped, ducking back over and lifting Williams to his feet._

_“Captain, we got you covered!” Winston’s voice came through the radio. “They’re reloading. Come out, now!”_

_Alex pulled the Major’s arm across his shoulders and dragged the screaming officer across the space. The gunfire exploded overhead just as a stray bullet hit Alex in his lower right side, sending both men falling to the ground. Williams quickly started crawling his way towards the others as Alex rolled over, gripping his bleeding side._

_“Captain, get up!”_

_Lifting his rifle, he aimed towards the roof and managed to take one hostile down before he saw the little boy run out towards him. Instead of running directly over, he kept to the sides of the building before heading out to him from the east. Alex tried to shout at him to stop, remembering their coverage of the grounds before the ambush, but all he could do was cough up blood. Struggling to his feet, he tried waving him away but the little boy kept running towards him._

_Just as he stepped over a mine buried in the dirt, Alex lunged forward and pushed him to the side, the sudden explosion knocking him off his feet. Falling backwards several feet away, he heard a ringing in his ears as he touched his head, feeling the blood begin to pool against his temple. His entire body felt numb as he slowly tilted his head to the side. He could see the other men continuing the battle as Hunter shouted in his direction but everything was quiet in Alex’s mind. Lowering his gaze, his eyes landed on where his right leg should have been. Everything was missing below his knee, blood gushing from his wound. He could feel his panic start to rise, his mind realizing what had happened. When his lip began to quiver and tears started welling in his eyes, he took a frightened breath and looked up at the sky._

_“Michael.”_

_\------------_

               “Alex, please, you have to look at me!” Michael’s voice tried pushing through but his mind wandered back again.

_\------------_

_“We’re losing him!”_

_“Captain, you have to keep your eyes open! We’re almost there!” another voice shouted. “How much longer?”_

_“Five minutes out!”_

_\------------_

               “Alex, sweetheart, can you hear me? Please!”

_\------------_

_“Get him on the bed on my count. One, two, three,” a voice ordered. “One bullet wound in the lower right quadrant. Tilt him.”_

_Alex shouted in pain as he felt a set of hands roll him over._

_“Bullet went through. Roll him back. Let me look at the leg.”_

_He blinked at the lights overhead as he felt movement around him._

_“We have to get him into surgery now.”_

                _When he felt a press against his severed leg, he let out a blood curdling scream that echoed around him._

_\------------_

                “Alex, look at me!”

                Snapping himself out of the memory, he blinked his eyes into focus to see both Kyle and Michael knelt in front of him.

                “You’re not in Iraq, alright? You’re here with us. Just breathe with me, one after another,” Kyle soothed him.

                He took a deep, ragged breath, clinging onto Kyle’s hand as a lifeline. His second breath was just as shaky, his heartbeat refusing to calm.

                “Alex,” Michael’s voice was gentle despite the storm brewing in his eyes. “It’s just me. It’s Michael. Do you trust me?”

                Alex nodded through his panic before Michael leaned in to press their foreheads together, holding onto his face.

                “Just breathe with me, sweetheart,” he whispered, trying to keep his voice calm. “In and out. Just breathe.”

                With one hand still gripping Kyle, Alex lifted his other hand to run his fingers through Michael’s curls, gripping them tightly.

                “That’s it. You’re doing so good. Just keep going.”

                It took another few seconds before his breathing finally began to calm. When he was sure his panic had stilled, he released both men and leaned his head back against the wall.

                “All the memories and I had to remember that one first,” he said, reaching down to touch his leg.

                Feeling his inevitable breakdown, Alex looked through the worried expressions watching him.

                “Alex, what do you need?” Maria asked, tears running down her face.

                “I just want to go home.”

                He curled his hands into fists to stop them from shaking before pushing himself off the floor.

                “Can you please take me home?” he asked, tilting his head at Michael but avoiding his eyes.

                Michael nodded and slowly reached for his arm, leading him through the bar towards the doors as the others watched them go. Liz turned towards Maria and the two women leaned into one another, taking comfort in the embrace. Isobel slipped a hand across her eyes and looked away, trying her hardest to show her indifference but Max could see through her and sighed. Running a hand through his hair, Kyle reached over to shut the Jukebox off before walking behind the counter to grab a stronger drink.

                When they were both inside the truck, Michael gave him one last glance before pulling away from the bar. They rode in silence, Alex keeping his unblinking gaze focused out the window. Only when they were standing inside the cabin minutes later did he realize where he was.

                “Can you please go?” he asked, keeping his back to Michael.

                “I’m not leaving you after that.”

                Alex faced him and ran a hand across his eyes.

                “I’ll call Maria or Liz later but I need to be alone right now. Please, just go home.”

                “I’ll stay out here on the couch…”

                “I need you to leave!” Alex cried. “Please, I don’t want you seeing me like this.”

                “Alex, I don’t care about that!” Michael tried but Alex pushed him towards the door and shoved him out.

                Before Michael could protest, Alex had already slammed the door behind him, locking it shut. Sliding to the floor with his back against the door, he let the sob he’d been holding finally escape. Standing helplessly outside, his own tears threatening to fall, Michael listened to the cries for several moments before slowly backing away. As much as he wanted to break through the door and take Alex in his arms, he knew the other man was already overwhelmed and any pushing from him might make things worse. He hesitated in his car for another few beats before leaving the cabin and making his way to the Airstream on the other side of town.

                *******

                An hour passed and Michael spent the better part pacing back and forth in the small space inside his trailer. Hearing the rain outside made his mood darken even more, hating how helpless he felt with Alex suffering across town. No longer able to stand it, he moved to grab his jacket when an urgent knock sounded outside. Rushing to the door, he swung it open to find a shivering Alex standing in the rain, dressed in only his jeans and tee, drenched from head to toe.

                “What are you doing?” he snapped, grabbing his arm and pulling him inside.

                “I called Liz, asked where you lived,” Alex whispered, his body shaking from the cold. “It got worse when you left. I shouldn’t have made you go.”

                Michael felt his heart shatter at the broken words.

                “It’s okay. Don’t say anything.”

                Moving to his small closet, he grabbed his towel and rushed back, rubbing the wetness from Alex’s hair before he ran the cloth down his neck and arms.

                “Let’s get you changed into something warm.”

                When he found nothing clean but a pair of boxers, he swore to himself and walked back over.

                “Haven’t had a chance to do laundry yet,” he apologized and reached for the wet tee. “Will you let me help you change?”

                Nodding, Alex lifted his arms for Michael to peel the wet shirt off. His eyes quickly focused on the bandage across his abdomen, soiled from the rain.

                “I’ll change that for you after.”

                Kneeling down, Michael unlaced Alex’s sneakers and helped him kick them off before his hands traveled up to unbuckle the jeans.

                “Will you step out for me?” he whispered.

                Sliding his hands to Michael’s shoulders, Alex balanced himself as he lifted one leg, then the other. Once the jeans had been peeled off, Michael hesitated and looked up.

                “I can give you some privacy,” he offered, holding out the boxers.

                Alex shook his head and Michael swallowed before pulling the boxers down, keeping his gaze lowered. Grabbing the clean, dry pair, he pulled them up his legs and gently helped Alex sit on the edge of the bed. With Alex still shivering, Michael quickly slid his own shirt off and helped him pull it on.

                “Its not much but it’s better than nothing. It’s fairly clean. Put it on this afternoon,” he chuckled nervously.

                Lowering his face, he took a deep inhale, letting Michael’s scent calm the shake inside his bones. Blinking heavily, Michael draped the wet clothes over the table to dry before moving towards his cupboard and grabbing the spare bandages he always kept on hand. Sitting beside Alex, he gently peeled the bandage from his abdomen, taking a moment to stare at the long scar. Before his emotions could take over, he blinked his tears away and taped the new bandage over the scar.

                “Let me check your head,” he said, tenderly moving Alex’s head to the side to peel the bandage away. “This one looks OK. I think we can keep the bandage off.”

                Tossing the soiled pieces away, he knelt in front of him, running his hands up and down Alex’s thighs.

                “You’re still shivering,” he said as Alex met his gaze. “Are you okay getting into bed with me? Body heat should do the trick.”

                Alex nodded and bit his lip as he watched Michael slip his jeans, socks and shoes off. The focused, unblinking gaze left Michael feeling warm all over. Pulling the blanket back, he climbed into bed and took a harsh breath when Alex quickly crawled into his arms, pressing close so their chests were touching and slipping his arm around Michael.

                “Wait, your prosthetic,” Michael reminded, untangling himself and moving to the foot of the bed.

                When the part was unhooked and set aside, Michael pressed a gentle kiss at the stump, the touch making Alex smile. Moving back to his spot, he pulled Alex into his arms, wrapping him up in a protective hold as he let the blanket drape over their bodies.

                “Want to tell me what happened?” he asked once he could feel Alex’s heartbeat had begun to calm.

                “The memory,” Alex whispered, burrowing further into Michael’s warmth. “I was on patrol with a Ranger unit when they ambushed us.”

                When he hesitated, Michael ran small circles across his back while his other hand buried itself in Alex’s hair, careful of his healing head wound.

                “They pinned us in this back alleyway, shooting down on us from the rooftops. The unit Commander, it was his first time on patrol and he started freaking out. There was this little boy, just ran out in the middle of all that chaos. I ran to get him. Then an RPG hit and the others were wounded. I went for them and when the Major and I were coming back, I was hit on my side. I fell, he fell with me.”

                Alex took a moment to catch his breath and Michael felt the ache inside his chest begin to deepen, hearing the account for the first time.

                “The kid started running towards me but he didn’t know it was a minefield from that direction. I pushed him out of the way but…,” he said before taking a ragged breath. “I think it was a faulty mine. If it hadn’t been, instead of a missing leg, I wouldn’t even be here right now.”

                Michael felt a fresh wave of tears begin to pool in the corners of his eyes.

                “I remembered feeling so numb, just lying there on the desert floor. I looked down and my leg was gone,” he said before leaning back to catch Michael’s teary gaze. “I remembered saying your name, over and over, like a prayer.”

                The words felt like a twisted knife in Michael’s gut, surfacing all the pain he didn’t know he could feel. Pulling Alex closer, he pressed their foreheads together as they breathed as one.

                “I was in the cabin. I tried to sleep but I couldn’t. It was too much. I needed to see you. I’m sorry I made you leave.”

                “I’m here,” Michael promised, pulling back to tenderly wipe the tears from Alex’s cheeks. “Just tell me what you need. I’ll do anything.”

                “Will you kiss me again?”

                Smiling softly, Michael leaned in and pressed their lips together.

                “No, Michael,” Alex shook his head. “ _Kiss_ me.”

                No longer able to hold back, Michael lunged forward to capture Alex’s mouth, devouring him in a kiss that left the soldier weak. With a final sweep with his tongue, Michael pulled back to press his face against Alex’s throat, his lips traveling down as his hand slid under the shirt, feeling the warm skin. Alex tilted his head back, giving him better access as his hands moved into Michael’s curls. Dragging his lips back to Alex’s mouth, they exchanged another heated kiss before Michael finally pulled back.

                “As much as I would love this to continue,” he said, pressing a kiss over Alex’s heart. “You had a long day. Let’s get some sleep.”

                Alex watched him for a moment and smiled.

                “How could I ever leave you?” he asked, the words making Michael’s heart clench. “Thank you for taking care of me.”

                “I’ll always take care of you,” Michael smiled, pulling Alex onto his chest and kissing his temple. “Go to sleep.”

                When he felt Alex doze off minutes later, Michael clung to him like a lifeline, desperate to keep him as long as he could and ignoring the feeling of dread creeping inside him.

 


	6. SIX

*****

 

                Yawning quietly, Alex opened his eyes and felt Michael pressed along his back, his arm tugged around Alex’s middle. Smiling to himself, he slowly turned around in the embrace and chuckled when he felt Michael snuggle closer. Pushing Michael flat on his back, Alex leaned up on his elbow to properly gaze down at him. The firm chest with a splatter of hair was too tempting to ignore. Leaning down, he pressed his lips over Michael’s heart, leaving a gentle kiss before his mouth traveled across the skin. He felt Michael stir beneath him but continued the trail of kisses downwards. When he heard Michael gasp and grab his arms, he smiled just before he was yanked up into a kiss.

                The kiss went from sleepy to intense in a matter of seconds as Michael snapped himself awake. Pulling back, Alex smirked when Michael tried to chase his lips and sat up to straddle his legs. Leaving his hands on Michael’s chest, his fingers played with the gentle hairs as a blush covered his own skin at the hunger he saw staring back at him. Lifting his hands to Alex’s thighs, Michael gripped the legs tightly but made no other movement. When Alex bit his lip, the sight made Michael groan loudly but he kept his resolve and stayed still. Feeling an overwhelming warmth tugging at his heart, Alex gently rocked himself forward, the move making Michael’s eyes flutter. When he did it again, this time with more insistence, Michael quickly pulled him down, spinning so Alex was pinned beneath him. Covering his body with his own, he leaned down and pressed his lips to Alex’s throat, biting softly. Knocking Alex’s legs open with his knee, he lowered himself and both gasped at the first proper contact.

                “Is this okay?” Michael whispered, leaning up to catch his gaze.

                Alex pulled him back and pressed a frantic kiss to his lips.

                “Does that answer your question?” he smiled.

                Groaning loudly, he lowered his face to Alex’s neck, kissing and biting a trail down his throat as his body rocked upwards over and over. Lifting his good leg to wrap around Michael’s waist, Alex ran a hand into his curls and pulled, dragging their lips back together again. Sliding his hands under his own shirt that Alex was still wearing, Michael tugged it upwards.

                “Take this off.”

                Before Alex could lift his arms, an insistent ringing blared through the small space. Sighing in disappointment, Alex dropped his head back onto the pillow.

                “That’s mine,” he apologized and Michael grumbled before crawling off him and pulling the phone from Alex’s jeans.

                Climbing back into bed behind him, he gave Alex the phone before pressing himself close.

                “Hello?” Alex spoke breathlessly, swallowing his moan when Michael started kissing his neck again, his hand traveling under the shirt across his skin. “Yes this is him.”

                He bit his lip when Michael’s fingers drew small circles on his stomach.

                “Yes Sir, I understand. Yes, I’ll be there.”

                Hanging up, he dropped his phone on the small nightstand and dragged Michael back on top of him, kissing him urgently. Sliding his hands across Michael’s cheeks and through his curls, he pulled at the messy strands to get his attention.

                “That was the base reminding me I was still a soldier,” he chuckled as Michael blinked his eyes into focus. “I have to go.”

                “No,” Michael whined, all but dropping his body over Alex.

                The weight was heavy but welcome as Alex wrapped his arms and good leg around him, holding him close.

                “Go later,” he pleaded.

                “That was Colonel Jacobs, the base Commander himself, calling me. I think I need to go.”

                Sighing in defeat, Michael rolled over and draped his arm over his eyes.

                “Are you okay?” Alex chuckled, sitting up.

                “Counting to a hundred so Little Michael calms down.”

                Alex burst into laughter, the happy sound making Michael lift his arm and smile despite it coming at his own expense. Sitting up behind him, he tilted Alex’s face to his and kissed him sweetly.

                “If I stay right now, I’ll probably end up in bed with you all day,” Alex whispered.

                “What’s wrong with that idea?” Michael smiled.

                “I should probably see what my Commander wants,” Alex said before swallowing hard. “And maybe I don’t want to rush this.”

                That quickly sobered Michael who straightened.

               “We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”

               “I know,” Alex insisted before a blush covered his face. “I only meant that when you and I…when we sleep together, I want us to take our time. Getting a quickie in before I leave for base isn’t what I had in mind.”

                Smiling at his words, Michael nodded and climbed out of bed. Reaching for the prosthetic, he knelt in front of Alex and attached the leg before Alex leaned down to kiss him.

                “Thank you.”

                They shared a smile before they rose to their feet and dressed. Handing Michael back his shirt, Alex let his hands linger against his chest.

                “You smell nice.”

                Before Michael could reply, Alex blushed and made his way out of the trailer. He was almost at his truck when Michael spun him around and pressed him back against the car door. Kissing him thoroughly, he let his tongue do a sweep inside Alex’s mouth before pulling back.

                “Can I see you later? I can come by the cabin.”

                Alex licked his lips and nodded as Michael opened the door for him. Smiling in thanks, he climbed in and waved before driving away, slamming on the brakes a few meters out.

                “Where’s the base?” he asked, shoving his head out the window and looking back.

                Laughing quietly, Michael jogged forward and grabbed Alex’s phone, plugging the location into his GPS.

                “Just follow the directions,” he said and leaned down for another quick kiss before moving back.

                Alex hesitated, not really wanting to leave but finally smiled and drove away. His lips still tingled when he made it back to his cabin twenty minutes later. Once he’d showered and changed into a pair of black jeans and tee with a navy flannel, he followed the coordinates and drove out to the base. Not knowing he needed ID, he was held back by security for several minutes before they verified his identity and let him through. Asking for directions to the Colonel’s office, he parked at the closest lot and slowly made his way across the grounds, his leg already beginning to hurt. It wasn’t until he’d reached the two soldiers posted outside that Alex realized he was missing his uniform. Walking inside the office, he was greeted by who he thought was the Colonel and two other officers.

                “Captain Manes,” the man smiled before taking in his casual attire.

                “Amnesia,” he replied, hoping the single word would be enough to explain everything. “Colonel Jacobs? Should I have saluted you?”

                The two other officers chuckled before walking out as the Colonel smiled fondly.

                “We’ll let it slide this one time,” he said and motioned for Alex to follow.

                They sat facing each other and Alex took a moment to glance around the office before facing the Commander he didn’t recognize.

                “How much of your memory have you forgotten?”

                “I thought I was fifteen when I woke up in the hospital.”

                “Goodness,” the Colonel shook his head, leaning back in his chair. “This is quite an unusual situation we find ourselves in. You don’t remember anything since then?”

                “I had a memory come back yesterday,” Alex said and cleared his throat. “Of the ambush. My leg.”

                “Off all the memories, right?” the Colonel sighed. “Son, you’ve been through quite an ordeal. But the truth is, we need some answers.”

                “Answers, Sir?”

                “About what happened at Victorville Prison.”

                “I was told that I was on a solo mission there but that my brother Flint and his unit came in to assist.”

                “Yes, they did, but so far Flint has been carefully vague. He’s had answers but none that I have been perfectly satisfied with.”

                “I’m not sure how I can help right now.”

                “Your brother, Sergeant Manes, mentioned that you had gone on a recon mission to scope the location out and when he and his unit arrived, you were the only one there and you’d already been knocked unconscious.”

                “I apologize, Sir. I can’t recall any of that.”

                “If your request for a leave of absence had not been approved prior to your solo mission, then you would be in far greater trouble right now, Captain. As fond as I am of you, it would have been a military tribunal you were facing instead of me,” the Colonel explained as Alex swallowed hard. “Now, your service record is exemplary and your reputation speaks for itself. But, I need to know why you were doing recon at an abandoned prison in the middle of the desert in the first place. I also need to know why our thermal reading of the location showed over forty heat signatures but when the Ranger unit arrived, you, your brother and his men were the only ones there.”

                “Ranger unit?” Alex frowned.

                “You called it in, Captain, requesting further backup.”

                Alex looked down, his mind trying to force itself to remember but the Colonel sighed and sat forward in his chair.

                “You were shot and received a fairly serious head injury which led to your current state. I need to understand why you were there, who was responsible for causing your injury and what happened to the other people in our thermal readings. What I’m asking is for you to go back to Victorville. It’s already midafternoon so go tomorrow. Take your brother with you and see if anything jogs your memory. We need to get to the bottom of this matter, Captain, and soon.”

                “Yes, Sir,” Alex swallowed. “In the meantime, what do I do?”

                “What do you mean?” the Colonel frowned.

                “Am I on a leave of absence or disability leave, Sir? Do I need to fill out any paperwork?”

                “The paperwork was completed with your physician, Dr. Valenti, the night you were hospitalized. Tomorrow, go to Victorville but in the interim, get yourself some rest and heal up,” the Colonel replied. “Your enlistment period ends in a few days.”

                Alex hiked his brows in surprise.

                “I would have liked to try and convince you to stay with the military but again, the situation is unusual with your amnesia. So I would like to clear this matter up before then.”

                “Yes Sir.”

                Rising to his feet, Alex gave what he thought was a proper salute and the Colonel smiled as he waved him off. Leaving the office, he shut the door behind him and slowly made his way through the grounds. Climbing in his truck, he took a minute to watch the various groups of soldiers passing by, unable to picture himself as one of them.

                *******

                Isobel opened the door and sighed when she saw Michael standing on the other side.

                “Figured you’d be with Soldier Boy.”

                “What’s going on with you, Isobel?” he demanded, stepping inside Max’s house and shutting the door behind him. “What’s your problem with Alex?”

                “I don’t have a problem with him,” she denied, crossing her arms at her chest.

                “Then why do you keep giving attitude?” he asked. “Look, I’m sorry I haven’t been around too much to deal with all these people stashed here but he’s important, Iz.”

                “I know he’s important and between Max, Liz and myself, we’re been able to keep a handle on this.”  
  
                “Then what’s going on?”

                “I hate lies, Michael,” she sighed, “and you are telling Alex a whole bunch of them.”

                “I’m not lying to him!”

                “Really?” she chuckled. “Does he know you’re an alien? Did you tell him about that little tryst between you and De Luca?”

                Michael swallowed before answering. “No, he doesn’t know because it’s not the right time to lay that stuff on him.”

                “Will it ever be the right time?” she countered. “You’ve been spending all this time with him, trying to show him what he means to you but what if those memories never come back? Are you just going to keep these secrets from him forever?”

                “I don’t know!” he exclaimed. “A few days ago, my heart nearly stopped when I saw him lying there in the hospital bed, hooked up to all those machines. He almost died, Isobel. I don’t know what I would have done if…”

                He took a deep breath before continuing.

               “It kills me that he doesn’t have his memories, that he doesn’t remember how we feel about each other. But I can’t push him, Iz. You saw him yesterday. The first memory he got back and it had to be his trauma at war. You saw what that did to him. He was all over the place when I took him home but he made me leave. I should have stayed but I just didn’t want to push him!” Michael exclaimed. “He came to the trailer maybe an hour after and he talked to me. He really talked to me, Iz. He opened up about what he remembered and I held him in my arms all night. I never knew a single detail of how he lost his leg. He was always so terrified of opening up, even with me. _Especially_ with me.”

               “I’m glad that you were able to comfort him and that you’re experiencing a lot of firsts together right now but…”

               “But what?” he cut her off. “Should I have told him about all the ways his father abused him when he found out his son was gay? Or told him that for one crazy moment, I let myself believe I didn’t want him and made the mistake of choosing his best friend? That Valenti of all people discovered and told Alex about it? Or should I mention, ‘Hey Alex, I know you’re overwhelmed as it is but guess what, sweetheart? I’m actually not human’.”

                Isobel sighed heavily. “He’s not your Alex, Michael. All those details matter.”

               “Every version of him is _my_ Alex. Seventeen year old emo teenager with a kindness in his heart that I still haven’t seen replicated is _my_ Alex. Twenty-eight year old hardened war veteran with so much PTSD that makes me want to destroy the whole world for causing him that pain is _my_ Alex,” he said before taking a step forward, his gaze saddening. “Amnesic who smiles more than I’ve seen in years is my Alex too. I love him, Isobel. Every version.”

               She finally nodded in understanding.

               “I know I have to tell him the truth. I don’t want to keep anything from him. You know I hate secrets too. But I can’t just dump everything on him all at once and expect him to be able to take it,” he said, releasing a heavy breath. “I just need to start small like yesterday, to show him how I feel and what we mean to each other. Once he sees that, then I’ll slowly filter in the rest. I just don’t want to hurt him, Iz. I’ve already done that enough.”

               “What happened to him is not your fault,” she insisted.

               “He went there and got himself hurt and almost killed because of me and because of what happened at Caulfield,” he reminded. “What kills me even more is that he did all of that even though he found out about Maria.”

               “Okay Michael,” she said, reaching out to touch his arm. “What do you need from me?”

               “I just want to show him what he means to me. Yesterday at the museum was good but it has to be more than that.”

               “Can you not just tell him?” she smiled wryly.

               “If either of us were good at communication, do you think we’d have the list of issues that we do?” he scoffed, shaking his head. “There’s so much I wish I could say.”

               Isobel thought for a moment before her smile grew. “I think I have an idea.”

               He smiled in reply before motioning towards the backyard. “Anything new with the group?”

               “Liz is finishing up running her tests. They’re all still pretty closed-mouthed about everything. I think maybe they’re still trying to get a read on us, to see if they can trust us,” she replied. “But I think we’re getting there.”

               Grabbing his hand, she began leading him upstairs.

               “Let’s go figure out your romantic gesture.”

                *******

                “What if I never remember him?” Alex asked.

                Kyle looked up from his coffee and frowned. “Who, Guerin?”

                Alex nodded, lowering his own drink. “Do you think it’s selfish of me, staying with him, giving him hope?”

                “Giving him hope where there isn’t any?” Kyle asked but Alex shook his head.

                “No, I didn’t mean that. I feel the connection between us,” he said before sighing. “To be honest, I feel like I’m falling in love with him.”

                “Well, that’s a good thing, isn’t it?”

                “But it can’t be that easy,” Alex started. “From the bits I’ve heard, he and I were never able to make it work. Not back in high school, not in the ten years I was off at war and not since I came back. There was always something pulling us apart.”

                “Well, now you’re together,” Kyle said. “You _are_ together, right?”

                “I guess,” Alex shrugged. “It’s only been a few days since I woke up.”

                “But do you want to be with him?”

                “Yes,” Alex whispered.

                “Then what’s the problem?” Kyle chuckled.

                “It can’t be that easy, Kyle,” he repeated. “We broke up all those times for reasons that I’m not clear on. Why did things end between us? Why does he look so guilty?”

                “Guilty?” Kyle asked quietly.

                “He gets this look in his eyes. I saw it that first night in the hospital but I don’t think he realizes,” Alex sighed. “Wasn’t I the one that walked away the last time we broke up? So why does he seem like he’s carrying a weight on his shoulders?”

                “I think maybe you’re reading too much into it,” Kyle tried to dissuade him. “You mean the world to the guy. Even I can see that.”

                “I don’t doubt that,” Alex smiled softly. “It’s almost overwhelming the way he looks at me.”

                “Alex, this is a good thing. Him loving you as fiercely as he does, it’s _good_.”

                “I guess I just can’t shake this feeling I have, like I’m missing a lot of important details,” Alex said and shook his head. “What was I doing out there at Victorville prison? It was supposed to be abandoned.”

                “Did someone say something to you at the base when you went today?”

                “Yeah, our base Commander, Colonel Jacobs, who I obviously don’t recognize, told me he needs answers.”

                “Is that all?” Kyle asked, looking up at him warily.

                Alex hesitated when he saw the hidden anxiety, deciding to keep the rest of his conversation with the Colonel to himself.

                “Yeah, he realized there wasn’t much I could do to help so I’m on a medical leave of absence which you already know since you signed all my papers as my Physician.”

                “Yeah, did I forget to mention that?” Kyle chuckled.

                Alex raised his brow expectantly.

                “Look, I’m sorry about that,” Kyle apologized. “But as for you and Guerin, the connection is strong that even without your memories, you feel safe with him. You feel bonded to him. You’re falling in love with him all over again. Don’t question it, Alex. Those feelings are real. Believe me.”

                Sighing heavily, Alex lifted his cup and took a long sip, missing the look Kyle was giving him. When Kyle had to head inside to finish his rounds, Alex climbed back in his truck and drove home. Pulling off the main road and parking, he smiled at Michael waiting for him on the front steps.

                “Hi” Michael greeted, rising to his feet.

                He moved forward to embrace Alex but stopped after a couple steps, unsure even after the night and morning they’d shared. Smiling at his nervousness, Alex took Kyle’s advice and closed the distance between them, pressing a kiss to Michael’s lips.

                “You’re allowed to do that,” he said before frowning. “I mean, we are…”

                “We are,” Michael quickly agreed, his nerves washing away. “I just wanted to make sure we were on the same page.”

                “Same page, same chapter, same book,” Alex said, kissing him again.

                They rubbed their noses together sweetly before Michael took his hand and led him towards the cabin. “I want to show you something.”

                “How did you get in?” Alex asked absently. “Do you have a key?”

                “No, I borrowed it from Kyle. He had a spare,” Michael lied as he ushered Alex in.

                Once the door was closed again behind them, Alex took in the sight with a gasp. Candles were lit everywhere as large white cards were pinned to the walls and furniture.

                “What is all this?” he asked, turning his gaze to Michael who offered a sheepish smile.

                “Everything that matters, all the words I always want to say but never could, they’re written on the cards,” he spoke quietly. “Yesterday, your memory was rough. I almost wish you would have never remembered that.”

                Alex swallowed hard as he listened.

                “You and me, we’ve had a lot of heartache between us. So much distance and separation,” Michael said before meeting his eyes again. “But the love, Alex, it was real. Every moment we had and all the moments we didn’t, those feelings were so real that it scared us both. But they never went away.”

                He reached forward to take Alex’s hands, smiling gently.

               “Maybe you’ll get your memories back and a part of me wishes you do for your own sake. But another part of me wishes you don’t, if only to spare you more pain like last night,” he spoke quietly. “But if you don’t get those memories back, I just wanted to be able to tell you what you mean to me. What you’ve meant to me for over a decade. Isobel actually helped. This was her idea and she helped get my thoughts out properly. So start right here and make your way around.”

                Squeezing Michael’s hands, Alex moved away towards the first card, his breath catching in his throat.

                **_I never knew kindness before I met you. Offering your father’s shed to me, as a warm and safe place to stay, touched my heart in a way like nothing had before_.**

                Alex swallowed hard and moved to the next.

                **_With your guyliner, septum pierced and a defiant attitude you only held on the outside, you came crashing into my life like a hurricane, the single most beautiful thing I had ever seen._**

Licking his lips, his eyes scanned the next card.

                **_When you gave me your brother’s guitar, I knew you were a keeper, even though I didn’t understand it that night. I’m sorry I pulled away when you tried to kiss me :(_**

                He chuckled through his tears and took another step forward.

                **_But kissing you in the museum was the single, most perfect moment I had experienced up until then. Lots more came after, if you know what I mean ;)_**

                Alex’s laugh grew as he tossed Michael a glance over his shoulder, seeing the shy smirk he gave in reply.

                **_When we slept together that night for the first time, it felt like all the missing pieces were finally in place. I never wanted to let you go._**

_**We spent a decade apart after high school and while you went off to war and came back a hero, I merely moved through the motions of my life, looking for any and all distractions, everything a blur. The moment I saw you again for the first time, that blur was gone.**_

                Alex squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, desperate to keep the tears from spilling.

                **_Whenever we’ve been tangled in the sheets together, when I’ve had you pinned beneath me, your body surrounding me, it felt like I finally found my home._**

He let a breathless gasp escape him as he took a small step to the next card.

                **_All I want is to make you smile, to take away all that pain you have buried deep inside._**

Stunned by the confessions, Alex let his resolve break as a single tear slid down his cheek.

                **_I know you don’t remember anything but if you accept one thing as a truth, let it be this: my heart is yours and yours alone. Everything I am is in love with you. Be mine and let me be yours._**

Alex slid a shaky hand across his cheek, his eyes moving to the next cards.

                **_Neither of us are perfect, Alex. We’ve both made mistakes and hurt each other hard. But you and I together is the only thing that has ever made sense to me._**

_**I told you once that I never look away and I meant every word. Through all our time apart, everyone else has been a placeholder for you. No one compares. No one ever will**_ **.**

                Taking a sharp breath, Alex looked at the final card.

                **_Turn around, sweetheart, and let me love you_.**

                With his face stained from tears, Alex slowly turned around to see Michael watching him intently from a few feet away, the anxiety he felt visible in his gaze. They stared at one another for a few heated moments before Alex made a sound that cut through Michael’s heart. Like a dam that had finally been broken, Alex rushed as fast as he could with his prosthetic in place and yanked Michael towards him, grabbing his face as he crashed their lips together. Groaning from the onslaught, Michael tightened his arms and forced Alex’s mouth open to deepen the kiss. Finally separating for air, Alex slid his hands into Michael’s curls and chuckled.

                “How could I ever say no?”

                When they came together again, Michael lowered his hands to Alex’s thighs and lifted him up so he could wrap his legs around his waist. He started carrying him towards the couch when Alex pulled away.

                “Bedroom.”

                Michael swallowed his sudden nerves but kept his feet rooted in the hallway.

                “Are you sure?” he asked quietly. “All of this, I didn’t do it for that.”

                “I know,” Alex smiled softly. “The way I feel right now, I can’t describe it. Let me show you?”

                Michael took a sharp breath as he walked them towards the bedroom at the end of the hall, gently lowering Alex on the mattress.

                “Wait,” he said before Alex could pull him down. “You don’t need to prove anything to me. I just wanted you to understand how I felt about you.”

                “I know and I understand,” Alex chuckled, a blush rising to his cheeks. “Now will you stop pulling away, get down here and make love to me?”

                Michael felt his breath catch in his throat at the words. When he smiled again, his gaze was no longer wary. Reaching down, he removed Alex’s clothes piece by piece until he was left in his boxers and tee. Removing the prosthetic as gently as possible, he placed it aside and kissed the stump, similar to the previous night, and made Alex’s heart jump at the tenderness.

                “Now you.”

                Michael’s smile grew flirtatious as he unbuckled his belt, lowered his jeans and ripped his shirt off. Alex felt his eyes flutter at the sight before him and rose to pull his own tee off.

                “Come here please,” he pleaded holding both hands out to Michael who smiled before climbing onto the bed.

                Lowering his body to cover Alex in a single long press, both groaned when they finally touched.

                “What do you want?” Michael whispered, trailing his lips across every inch of skin he could find. “Do you want my hands? My mouth? I’ll do anything you want.”

                Alex let out a breathless chuckle before he opened his legs further and pressed against the small of Michael’s back, pushing them closer together.

                “I want to feel you. Is that okay?”

                Michael smiled widely before leaving a final kiss on his chin and kneeling up. “I have to prep you.”

                Rummaging through Alex’s nightstand, he came up empty and groaned.

                “Leave it to you to be all proper,” he grinned, leaving the bed and making his way to the bathroom.

                When he came back moments later with a bottle of lube and a strip of condoms, he stopped short of the bed just to take the image in. Stretched out on the mattress with his hair already a mess and a flush covering his body, Alex looked up at him with his soulful eyes that made Michael’s heart break even when he was bursting with happiness on the inside.

                “We don’t need those,” he pointed at the condoms before frowning. “Unless you…”

                “No, I’m clean. I had myself checked the day before you were in the hospital,” he replied, remembering that afternoon when he had felt so much hope, desperate to speak with Alex the next morning before Kyle had burst his every bubble. “Do you trust me?”

                “Yes,” Alex smiled, grabbing his hand and tugging him close.

                Tossing the condoms aside, Michael pressed a single kiss to Alex’s flat stomach before grabbing the edge of his boxers and pulling them down.  Alex grew shy, looking away as his injured leg twitched but Michael held his face and dragged his gaze back.

                “You’re beautiful,” he said, reaching down with his other hand to caress the stump. “Every part of you is.”

                “Why are you so amazing?” Alex chuckled, pulling Michael down for a hard kiss.

                “You bring it out in me,” Michael shrugged, but his blush gave him away.

                Alex held the sides of his face, this time being the one to drag Michael’s eyes back to meet his.

                “I’m falling in love with you,” he whispered.

                Michael took a sharp breath as his eyes began to glaze.

                “I may never get those memories back from before but who I am, right now, is crazy about you. It’s insane and overwhelming but it’s very real.”

                Michael licked his lips and nodded, leaning into Alex’s palm before turning his face to kiss the wrist beside him. When he finally lowered himself back down, he used the lube and reached down to slowly open him. Alex gasped at the first intrusion but let his body welcome the pleasure and pain. When he was sure Alex was ready to take him, he slid off his own boxers and lowered himself between the open legs.

                “I love you,” he breathed out.

                Alex smiled, his face open and gentle. Crashing their lips together, Michael poured all the love he felt for the other man into the kiss as he slid inside in a single press, swallowing Alex’s breathless moan. Once he was ready for more, he nudged Michael with his nose and wrapped his arms around his shoulders. Burying his face against Alex’s throat, Michael pulled out almost all the way before sliding back in, setting a brutal pace that lasted several minutes and left them both gasping. Alex let one hand slide above his head and grip the headboard before he felt Michael’s hand reach up moments later to tangle their fingers together. Their lips moved against each other as their free hands roamed over any skin they could find, desperately clinging to one another. Reaching the edge together, their moans filled the silence in the room as they gripped each other tight, breathing heavily, afraid to let go. Gently pulling out, he kissed Alex’s wince away and moved on wobbly legs to grab a spare towel from the bathroom. Once he cleaned them as best as he could, Michael slid back under the covers and pulled Alex against him, their hearts still beating wildly.

                “Did I hurt you?” he asked, the worry he felt bleeding through his words.

                “I think you broke me,” Alex chuckled before leaning back to smile. “In the best possible way.”

                Michael smiled softly, running a hand across Alex’s cheek. “But I didn’t hurt you?”

                “You could never hurt me,” Alex replied, his words taking a deeper meaning that left Michael swallowing hard. “I love you.”

                “You…you don’t have to say that,” Michael suddenly cut in.

                “Michael,” Alex said, grabbing his face to steady his gaze. “I know it’s scary. It’s scary for me too. I woke up a few days ago and you were nothing but a stranger. But you told me you loved me. Your words on those cards proved that love to me. Please believe me when I say I love you too. I can’t explain it but I do.”

                Wiping at his eyes, Michael kissed him over and over until the raging storm inside his heart finally began to calm. They closed their eyes and held each other tight under the covers, letting the warmth and love wrap them in a safety neither had felt in so long.

                ---------

                _Michael chuckled happily as he lowered his hand to massage Alex’s neck. They shared a sweet smile when the door suddenly slammed open. When Jesse came into view, Alex froze at the dead look in his father’s eyes. Slowly rising to his feet, he blinked back his sudden tears, stepping in front of Michael as his father slowly walked into the shed. Staring at the two boys with a disgust he couldn’t hide, he reached down to grab the hammer that had been laid out on the work bench._

_“This ends now.”_

_Alex could feel Michael tense behind him but he kept his frightened gaze on his father._

_“How dare you? Under my roof.”_

_“Dad, this has nothing to do with you!” Alex shouted, his tears already falling._

_Jesse roared as he lunged forward, grabbing Alex by his neck and pinning him roughly against the wall._

_“Everything you do reflects on me and I will not be humiliated.”_

_“Don’t touch him!” Michael shouted, jumping forward to push Jesse off._

_As Alex watched In horror, his father pulled Michael with him and pinned his hand to the bench, bringing the hammer down, one hit after another as Michael screamed in pain._

                ---------

                Gasping himself awake, Alex spun around and grabbed Michael’s left hand as the other man stayed lost in slumber. Blinking through his tears, he stared down at the hand but instead of broken bones, disfigured fingers or rough scars, all he saw was smooth skin. He let his fingers caress the hand for several seconds before stopping and leaning back. Staring down at a sleeping Michael, his eyes traveled back to the smooth skin of his hand and he slowly frowned.


	7. Chapter 7

*****

                Reaching across the bed, Michael smiled in his sleep when his hand found Alex, warm to the touch. Opening his eyes, his smile widened as he took in the other man’s tousled hair.

                “Morning,” he whispered, moving closer to press their noses together, slipping his arm around Alex to tug him even closer.

                Taking a breath, Alex brought his hand up to Michael’s face, caressing his cheek before his fingers slid into the curls.

                “Did you sleep okay?” Michael asked, blinking his grogginess away.

                Alex nodded, smiling gently before he leaned in and pressed a kiss to Michael’s lips.

                “Tell me about my father.”

                The request caught Michael off guard and he leaned back in confusion. “What do you mean?”

                “I have an understanding of how you feel about me. Last night was..,” he started before smiling wryly. “Last night was everything.”

                Michael reached in to touch Alex’s cheek, his thumb rubbing the skin beneath his eye.

                “Why do you want to know about our Dad?”

                “It’s just a big part of me that’s missing,” Alex shrugged. “A lot of parts are but he’s my father and I haven’t seen him around or at the base yesterday. Will you tell me about him?”

                Michael moved flat on his back, staring up at the ceiling. “What do you want to know?”

                “Back in the hospital, you said he hurt me when he found out I was gay. Hurt me how?”

                “I don’t know all the details. You never spoke about it,” Michael said, his voice quiet. “But I know he beat you.”

                Alex took a breath before speaking. “You also said that he reacted badly when he found out about us back then. Reacted how?”

                “Alex, why are you asking this stuff?”

                “I need to know. Please?”

                Sighing heavily, Michael turned his face towards him. “He just said some stuff, threatened us if we continued.”

                “Threatened how?” Alex asked. “Did he hurt you? Did he hurt me?”

                “No!” Michael exclaimed and clenched his left fist above the covers, a move that Alex caught. “He said a lot of stuff that hurt and you broke things off between us after that.”

                Alex watched him for several beats before nodding.

                “Look, can we please not talk about your Dad while we’re in bed?” Michael asked, smiling as he rolled back over. “Especially not after last night.”

                “Sorry,” Alex smiled wryly before sitting up. “I need to get to base again this morning.”

                “Is everything alright?” Michael asked, sitting up and pulling him against his side.

                “Everything’s as good as it can be, considering this,” Alex said as he touched his temple.

                “Are we…okay?”

                Alex softened at the hesitant tone and reached in to kiss him.

                “Yes,” he smiled. “But I do need to get to base. I’m going to take a quick shower. Stay in bed.”

                Attaching his prosthetic, Alex grabbed a set of clean clothes and disappeared in the bathroom, leaving a nervous Michael behind. He stayed in bed for the ten minutes it took Alex to wash up, change clothes and walk back out. Turning his face towards the soldier, the worry in his eyes gave him away and Alex quickly closed the distance between them, leaning down to press his lips against Michael’s, the kiss claiming and powerful.

                “Everything is okay,” he whispered, his heart trying to assure himself as much as Michael.

                “Then stay in bed,” Michael pleaded, reaching for his waist and pulling him back down.

                Alex went without a fight, letting Michael press him into the mattress. They held one another close for several quiet moments until Michael leaned up on his elbow to gaze down at him.

                “I hate the feeling, watching you walk away.”

                “I’m not walking away, Michael. I’m here,” Alex said before licking his lips. “But I just need to know something. You’d tell me if there was something major I was missing, right?”

                “Major how?” Michael frowned.

                “I don’t know, just something that was really important that I should know but don’t.”

                Michael swallowed hard and nodded. “Do you trust me?”

                “Yes,” Alex deflated, giving his first true smile that morning.

                “Do you believe that I love you?”

                “Yes,” Alex’s smile grew before he reached out to hold Michael’s face. “I love you too.”

                Taking a moment to let the words sink in, Michael opened his eyes and nodded. “If there’s anything that’s important, I’ll tell you.”

                Alex forced his smile to stay and reached up to kiss him quickly. “Then I trust you.”

                They shared another smile that was weighed down by omissions on both ends. Rising back to his feet, he gave Michael another quick kiss before making his way from the bedroom and walking out of the cabin. He was in his truck, halfway towards the hospital before he let his mind go over the memory from last night again.

                “Honestly, do you just live here?” he asked ten minutes later when Kyle met him inside the hospital entrance.

                “Sometimes it feels like it,” Kyle smiled as they took a seat in the waiting area.  “What’s going on? Your text sounded weird.”

                “I just had a question. Medical question, actually,” Alex started. “If you shatter the bones in a part of your body, can surgery repair it back one hundred percent?”

                “It depends on how extensive the damage is and how soon after the injury you seek treatment,” Kyle replied.

                “So you would need surgery?”

                “If the damage was fairly bad, yes,” Kyle said before frowning. “Why are you asking? Did something happen to you?”

                He was giving him a once over but Alex quickly raised his hand to stop him.

                “I’m fine, I promise,” he assured. “How expensive would the surgery be?”

                “Depends on the insurance you have,” Kyle replied. “Most typical health insurances would cover around fifty percent of the cost so a few thousand dollars would be the remaining balance. Without insurance, the cost could be anywhere between seven and fifteen thousand dollars depending on how many tests were run beforehand and how extensive the surgery is.”

                Alex nodded before meeting Kyle’s eyes. “So if someone was in foster care and probably didn’t have any proper health insurance, they’d be stuck with a crazy expensive bill?”

                “They could be, yeah. I mean, there are federal programs in health centers across some states that offer discounted services but even with that, it’s not like the bill goes away,” Kyle replied. “Why are you asking all these questions, Alex? Where is this all coming from?”

                “Just curious,” he said, slowly rising to his feet. “Thanks for meeting me. I have to get to the base.”

                “Didn’t you say the Colonel approved a leave of absence pending your recovery?”

                Alex nodded before sighing. “But he wants me to go to Victorville prison today and see if anything jogs my mind. I texted Flint earlier. Didn’t even realize I had his number. He took a personal day. We’re meeting up in a bit to head over there.”

                “You’re going to Victorville?” Kyle asked, rising from his seat. “Is that a good idea?”

                “I can’t exactly tell my Commander no, can I?” Alex shrugged. “Besides, I was shot there and left for dead. Maybe something will jog my mind.”

                “Is it just the two of you going?”

                “Yeah, I need to head out now actually. It’s about an hour’s drive from here.”

                “Look, my shift ends in a couple hours. Why don’t you wait and I’ll go with you?” Kyle started and cut Alex off before he could protest. “I’m your doctor, Alex. If your memories come back all at once, it may be a good idea to have me around.”

                “Why? Am I going to remember something terrible again?” Alex asked. “Are all the memories I have of the past thirteen years horrible, painful ones?”

                “No! That’s not what I meant,” Kyle apologized.

                Alex hesitated before taking a step back. “I have to go. I’ll call you later.”

                “At least take Guerin with you.”

                “I’d rather do it on my own.”

                Alex waved him off and made his way outside where he saw his brother waiting with his back turned. Calling his name, he watched as Flint spun around, the worry on his face replaced by relief.

                “Holy crap, kid!” he gasped, pulling Alex in for a sudden hug. “I’ve been waiting all week to talk to you.”

                “Why didn’t you come to the hospital?”

                “You think I could get off base? I’ve been interrogated left and right all week.”

                “You could have called me.”

                “I didn’t have your number.”

                Alex sighed as he ran his hand through his hair, groaning when his fingers glazed over the still tender head wound.

                “I don’t know what the Colonel is expecting here. It’s not like everything will just magically come back to me,” Alex grumbled. “Hell, when I woke up in the hospital, I thought I was fifteen!”

                Flint took a step back and made a face.

                “Dude, the amnesia thing is real?”

                “Yes, its real!” Alex snapped. “If we were basing It off my last memories, I would be hating you right now.”

                “Trust me, present Alex hates me too,” Flint insisted before sighing. “So you don’t remember anything? You don’t remember the people? Or Dad?”

                “What are you talking about? What people? Dad was there?”

                “Yes, Dad was there! How do you think you got shot?”

                Alex took a step back and froze. “What did you say?”

                Sighing heavily, Flint ran a hand down his tired face. “You called me when you got to Victorville prison and guilted me into helping you because of what happened at Caulfield so I took my men off base without properly logging it.”

                “What the hell is Caulfield?”

                Flint hesitated for a moment before he realized the many things Alex was oblivious to.

                “You don’t know about…,” he said and shook his head. “Never mind. We showed up and you and Dad were in some showdown. He had a gun on you. I tried to intervene, I tried to get him to put the gun down but it was like he wasn’t even all there. You guys scuffled and the gun went off.”

               Alex swallowed as his mind tried to piece together what his brother was saying.

               “Everything happened so damn fast. There was an explosion and the gates opened and the people started filing out. Dad was furious and even though you were shot, he came at you again and pushed you hard against the wall before running off. That’s how your head got hurt. Problem is I told the Colonel that when we got there, you were already unconscious. My men are loyal. They’ll do what I say but we need to figure this out, Alex.”

                “What people?” Alex demanded. “And what the hell were you doing while I was shot? Just standing there?”

                “I was in shock! My father had just tried to kill my brother!”

                Alex took a deep breath to calm his erratic heartbeat before pushing Flint towards the truck. “You’re taking me there. Now!”

               *******

                Michael and Isobel walked in from the backyard, moving towards the kitchen.

                “They look a lot better,” Isobel commented, reaching for a water. “But we can’t keep them here indefinitely. We need to come up with a plan.”

                “What does Max think?” Michael asked, leaning against the counter.

                “He’s afraid to let them go, afraid of what will happen again.”

                “We can’t just spring thirty-three new people on the town and pretend they’re long lost family. We’re orphans, remember?”

                “I know,” Isobel sighed. “How was last night?”

                “It was good. Better than good. It was everything,” Michael smiled sadly. “I need to tell him, don’t I?”

                Isobel looked up at him expectantly.

                “He asked me this morning if I would tell him if there was something major he was missing,” Michael said, running a hand down his face. “I have to tell him about Maria, don’t I? I have to tell him about us.”

                “He needs to hear it from you,” Isobel agreed, reaching over to touch his arm in sympathy.

                *******

                “What is this place?” Alex asked, stepping through the front doors.

                “Used to be a military prison back in the seventies. Been abandoned for over thirty years now.”

                “What was Dad doing here?” Alex asked, taking in the cells on either side.

                “Working on his project.”

                Alex whirled around to face him. “What project?”

                “Look, kid,” Flint started, sighing hard. “There’s a lot that you don’t remember right now.”

                “Then be my brother for once in your life and help me!”

                “It’s too much, Alex,” Flint shook his head. “Just walk around and see if anything jogs.”

                Groaning in frustration, Alex moved deeper inside the prison. He took his time passing every cell, glancing inside before moving onto the next. As he reached a second corridor, he made a turn with Flint close behind. The cells were lined on both sides of the area with windows instead of bars. Stopping at the first cell, Alex narrowed his eyes as a familiar feeling washed over him. Reaching out, he pressed his palm against the glass and instantly shut his eyes.

                ----------

                _“They’re my family, Alex!” Michael shouted before slamming the extinguisher at the glass._

_Alex looked around himself in desperation before taking a small step towards him._

_“Alright, maybe!” he yelled, his words forcing Michael to face him again. “But you are mine!”_

_“What? No,” Michael argued. “You’ve gotta go, Alex.”_

_“I don’t look away, Guerin.”_

_“No!” Michael shouted. “Go! Go! I don’t love you! I don’t!”_

_The words felt like a stab through his heart but Alex held on._

_“We’ve been holding onto this thing. And what? It’s gotten us nowhere. Just let it go.”_

_Feeling his resolve strengthen amidst the blaring alarm sounding in the background, Alex lifted his teary gaze to meet Michael’s eyes. “You’re a terrible liar.”_

                ----------

                Snapping out of the memory, Alex stumbled back as Flint grabbed his arm to steady him.

                “Was Michael here?”

                “Who?” Flint frowned.

                “Guerin. Michael Guerin, was he here?”

                “Your boyfriend?” Flint asked before shaking his head. “No, he wasn’t here.”

                “But I just saw him…,” Alex started, running a hand across his face. “I could have sworn…”

                “It’s because he was at Caulfield.”

                They both whirled around to see their father standing behind them, two other soldiers holding their weapons high. Flint came to reach for his own when one of the two soldiers focused his weapon on him.

                “Don’t bother, Flint.”

                “Or what? You’ll shoot me too?”

                Jesse chuckled before turning his gaze to his youngest son, pleased by the fear he saw in Alex’s eyes.

                “Alex, Alex, Alex,” he started. “The bane of my existence.”

                Alex took a small step away until his back was pressed against the wall.

                “You have caused me so much grief over the years,” Jesse exclaimed, taking a step towards him. “Always the black sheep of the family.”

                Seeing the sudden terrified look in his brother’s eyes, Flint took a step forward.

                “He joined the military, just like you wanted.”

                “And he still got injured on the front lines. Now he’s half the man he used to be and he wasn’t much to begin with. How is homosexuality treating you?”

                “You son of a bitch,” Flint spat. “They gave him a medal overseas. Did you forget that part? He saved lives.”

                “Which included saving a hostile,” Jesse added.

                “It was a kid!” Flint shouted. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

                “I’m perfectly fine,” Jesse replied before looking back at Alex. “This one, though, has been one problem after another. I had always wished your mother would stop trying for another child but we wanted a daughter. Instead, we ended up with you.”

                Tears began to stream down Alex’s cheeks as he stood frozen against the wall.

                “Back off or I swear to God!” Flint stepped between them.

                “Or what? You’ll finally become a man and take a stand?” Jesse chuckled at his second youngest son. “How did I end up with sons like you?”

                Flint swallowed hard before squaring his shoulders.

                “He doesn’t remember anything. He has amnesia thanks to you so just leave him alone.”

                “He destroyed two of my facilities!” Jesse bellowed, his angry voice echoing through the prison.

                Turning back to his youngest, Jesse grabbed his collar and pulled Alex forward before slamming him back against the wall. Alex winced when his tender wound collided with the rough brick behind him.

                “Let him go!” Flint shouted.

                “Keep him down!” Jesse barked at the other soldiers who dragged Flint away. “My son and I need to talk.”

                *******

                As Michael helped Isobel unload the groceries from her car, they looked up when Kyle screeched to a stop at the end of the driveway.

                “Seriously, Guerin, you need a damn phone!” he exclaimed, rushing towards them. “It would be nice if those of you that _do_ have a phone actually answered.”

                “Sorry, we were busy,” Isobel defended.

                “What’s going on?” Michael cut in.

                “Alex went with his brother to Victorville a couple hours ago.”

                “What are you talking about? Why?” Michael took a worried step forward.

                “His Colonel ordered him, to see if any of his memory comes back,” Kyle replied. “He came by earlier and was asking a lot of weird questions.”

                “Weird how?” Isobel frowned.

                “If surgery can fully repair badly broken bones and what the cost is if someone doesn’t have health insurance,” Kyle said before glancing at Michael’s hand. “We was already gone before I realized he was talking about you.”

                Michael took a step back in shock. “He remembers?”

                “No, he doesn’t. That’s why he went to the facility with Flint, to see if he _can_ remember. But I think maybe another memory came back to him.”

                Michael nodded as realization kicked in. “We must have dreamt it before I woke up this morning.”

                “Dreamt what?” Isobel and Kyle asked at once.

                “About what his father did to my hand when he found us in his shed back in high school.”

                “Michael,” Isobel started, tears forming in her eyes.

                “He probably took one look at my hand and realized something didn’t add up,” Michael said before groaning angrily.

                “With his father on the loose, I have a bad feeling,” Kyle said, shaking his head worriedly.

                “Where the hell is this place?” Michael asked, already moving towards the truck.

                “I’ll take you there. Come on.”

                “I’ll come with! Just let me tell Liz.” Isobel said.

                “Tell me what?” Liz asked as she walked outside. “What’s going on?”

                “Are they back inside the basement?” Isobel asked.

                “Yeah,” Liz frowned. “I have to go meet my Dad and Rosa and thought you were still out.”

                “We’re wasting time!” Michael snapped as he and Kyle climbed inside.

                “What’s going on?” Liz asked as Isobel locked the door and pulled her down the driveway.

                “Just get in. I’ll explain on the way.”               

                *******

                “Everything I have worked on for years, everything destroyed because of your twisted, repulsive love for _him._ ”

                Finally finding his voice, Alex lifted his hands to push Jesse back a step.

                “What the hell are you talking about? I don’t remember anything!”

                “Need a little trip down memory lane?” Jesse snarled. “Your alien boyfriend and all those like him are a threat to our country and to humanity. But you don’t see that, do you? You can’t see past your revolting feelings for him.”

                “Have you lost your mind?” Alex asked, blinking his tears away as anger filled him. “We may live in Roswell but aliens aren’t real.”

                Jesse released an eerie laughter as Alex turned towards his brother.

                “Tell him he’s insane!”

                “Alex,” Flint started but couldn’t find the words.

                “All of it's real!” Jesse snapped. “You, your boyfriend, your little pal Valenti and your little gang are the reason why everything I have worked on all these years has been ruined.”

                “You’re crazy,” Alex shook his head.

                In an instant, Jesse yanked him forward before slamming him roughly against the bricks again, this time leaving blood on the wall behind him. Grabbing his head in pain, Alex crumbled to the ground. Flint pushed past the other soldiers and grabbed at his father, their argument going unnoticed by Alex as he squeezed his eyes shut from the sudden onslaught of memories flooding his mind.  
  
                ----------

_“If you ever look at another boy again, I will make you sorry!” Jesse bellowed, bringing the belt down harder with each hit against his fifteen year old son._

_Alex curled in on himself on the floor, crying through the pain as blood began to soak through his clothing._

_\----------_

_“You really do live in your truck,” seventeen year old Alex commented as he and Michael glanced towards the sleeping bag._

_“All the rumors about you true?”_

_Alex made a face and Michael shrugged as he lowered his gaze._

_“You’re kind of lucky, you know?” Alex asked as Guerin watched him from beneath his lashes. “Things at my house suck.”_

_He came to walk away when something inside him made him stop._

_“There’s this toolshed, out behind my house. It’s warm and I go there when things get bad,” Alex offered before walking away, missing the look of wonder Michael gave him as he watched him go._

_\----------_

_“I was just hanging out,” Michael stuttered as Alex smiled and closed the shed door behind him._

_“Yeah, yeah, it’s fine. It’s good that you’ve been staying here. It’s cold at night.”_

_He smiled shyly and reached for the guitar case he was carrying as Michael watched him in surprise._  
  
               _“Hey, I brought you this. It’s my brother’s. I don’t know. I thought maybe you could use it.”_

_Michael took the guitar before meeting his gaze. “Why are you being so nice to me?”_

_Alex chuckled softly, the sound settling in Michael’s heart in a way he didn’t understand._

_“People don’t always have an agenda. They can just be nice to each other for no reason sometimes.”_

_“Not in my experience,” Michael said as he pulled out the guitar and shared a look with Alex before sitting down. “Well, it’s the only thing that makes me feel quiet. Playing music.”_

_“Quiet?” Alex asked as he sat beside him._

_“I have all this chaos going on inside me all the time and all I want to do is get away from myself. But then I play and my entropy changes. Everything goes quiet.”_

_Michael strummed the guitar before swallowing hard._

_“Thank you,” he said quietly._

_“You’re welcome,” Alex replied as their eyes locked._

_They stared at one another for several beats, neither able to look away. When Alex finally leaned in, Michael snapped out of his daze and faced forward, playing the guitar as Alex sadly looked down at his hands._

_\----------_

                He felt a pair of hands grab him and push him hard against the wall but his gaze stayed unfocused as his eyes slipped shut again.

                “Dad, let him go!”   
  
                “You think that you can just come in here and obliterate my life’s work?” Jesse shouted but all Alex could feel was the pain in his head.

                ----------

_“Have you ever done this before?” he asked as Michael ripped off his shirt._

_“Yeah,” the other boy smiled nervously. “But not, like, with a…”_

_“With a guy?” Alex finished and they giggled._

_“With a guy,” Michael confirmed before his laugh died away and he reached forward to caress Alex’s chest. “And not with someone that I’ve liked as much as I like you.”_

_Alex felt his eyes flutter at the words as he inched forward until their lips finally touched. One kissed turned to two and two turned to three before Michael was tugging at his uniform._

_“Take this off already.”_

_They shared a smile when Michael pulled the shirt off before leaning in and kissing even harder. Michael moved them backwards until Alex’s legs were pressed against the bed and slowly lowered them down._

_\----------_

“Everything I have done has been for national security, to protect our country!” Jesse snapped, lifting Alex slightly from the ground. “You think I’ll let you destroy it more than you already have?”

                “Dad, get off him!” Flint voice sounded in the background.

                “I’ll kill you first, _son_.”

                ----------

_“Can we talk?” Alex’s voice made Michael freeze at his truck._

_School had ended minutes before and the last of the students and staff had already gone home. Taking a deep breath, Michael steeled himself before turning around. As much as his heart yearned to reach out and take the other boy in his arms, to beg him to run away and never look back, their lives were too messy for Michael to do anything but keep his distance._  
  
                 _He took in Alex’s appearance for the first time in eight days, having avoided the other boy since that night in the shed. He’d told himself it was everything with Rosa and Isobel but deep down, he had been too afraid to face Alex again. His battered hand remained a constant reminder of the physical pain he had suffered at the hands of Jesse’s brutality but also of the heartbreak he felt in knowing Alex was no longer his. The latter was by his own doing, keeping his distance but his feelings for the other boy were just too overwhelming for him._

_“Look, I know I haven’t been around much…,” he started but Alex held his hand up to cut him off._

_“I just wanted to tell you goodbye.”_

_The detached, emotionless tone made Michael lower his own guard and take a step forward._

_“What do you mean, goodbye? Are you going somewhere?”_

_“I enlisted.”_

_The two words were enough to shatter Michael’s heart as he reached forward to grab Alex’s arms._

_“What did you say?”_

_Alex let his emotions seep through for a moment before carefully pulling himself free and stepping back. “I enlisted. I’m scheduled to leave for basic training just after graduation but since finals are already over, I put in for an early request and it was approved. I leave in the morning.”_

_Michael swallowed hard, taking a moment to let the words sink in before he looked up, unable to hide his grief any longer._

_“Why did you do that?”_

_Alex changed his footing before looking down._

_“I had no other choice. He gave me an ultimatum. I had to accept.”_

_“What ultimatum?”_

_“It doesn’t matter,” Alex shook his head. “I just wanted to say goodbye in person before I left…and to tell you how worry I am for what happened.”_

_“That’s not your fault,” Michael started but the bitter laugh made him stop._

_“Then why did you disappear on me for eight days?” Alex spat. “You may say you don’t blame me but deep down, we both know you do and you’re right to feel that way. I was the one that offered you the shed, promised you that it would be safe. I was the one he was going for when you jumped in.”_

_“Alex, no!” Michael cried, reaching for the other boy but Alex took another step back. “Please, just stop!”_

_“I’m sorry for everything, Guerin,” he whispered and turned around to leave before his tears could give him away._

_Desperate to stop him, Michael ran forward and slipped his arms around Alex from behind, holding onto him tight._

_“Let me go, please.”_

_“No, I can’t do that,” he said and moved around so Alex was facing him. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have stayed away. I shouldn’t have made you feel like I blamed you. Alex, you mean…”_

_“Don’t say it,” Alex pleaded. “I’m leaving, Guerin. Please just say goodbye and let me go.”_

_“I’ll never say goodbye to you,” Michal whispered before he was dragging Alex in, kissing him so intensely that it knocked the other boy backwards._

_Alex tried pulling away but Michael merely dragged him back in again._

_“I’ll wait for you,” Michael promised, wrapping his arms around his waist._

_“No,” Alex’s voice began to crack. “This is goodbye, Guerin. You have to let me go.”_

_“Alex, please,” Michael all but begged but the other boy pulled himself free._

_“Goodbye, Guerin.”_

_Without waiting for a reply, he turned and jogged towards his old truck, climbing in and peeling out of the parking lot, leaving a stunned Michael behind._

_\----------_

“You’re hurting him!” Flint snapped, grabbing at his father’s arm only to be pulled back by the other soldiers again.

                “For what, Alex? For your perverse feelings for someone who isn’t even human?” Jesse sneered.

                Alex slid his eyes closed and grabbed his head, feeling the warm blood begin to seep down his neck.

                 ----------

                _“Welcome home, Captain,” Colonel Jacobs greeted, taking an overwhelmed Alex by the hand._

_Alex looked around himself at the thousands of people gathered on either side of the main road that ran through town, cheering him from the sidelines. Seated in a wheelchair for comfort, he took in the immense crowd drawn all the way down and took a sharp breath._

_“At the end of the parade, we have a ceremony set in place for you at town square. I’ll be awarding you the Air Force Medal of Honor.”_

_“Why?” Alex finally found his voice._

_“For your bravery and heroism, son,” the Colonel smiled. “You saved a lot of lives that day, including a civilian child.”_

_The words felt hollow as Alex slowly pushed himself up from the wheelchair. Two Privates were immediately by his side but he waved them both away. He had only started using the prosthetic three weeks ago while his recovery in Germany came to an eventual end. His leg hurt as he put pressure but he used both crutches and forced himself to stand up straight. Taking a final look at his Colonel, he slowly made his way towards the float, ignoring the fake smile his father gave as he watched him from a few feet away. The world around him disappeared as the parade commenced, leading Alex down the road as people applauded his valour. Only when they reached the end of the parade and Alex asked for a private moment, ducking behind one of the buildings, did he let his panic take center stage. Breathing heavily from the painful weight of everything he had experienced, Alex crumbled to the floor and allowed his tears to fall._

                ----------

_“Home doesn’t have to mean a white picket fence house or a family,” Maria said before she slid her hand under his chin and smiled. “It can be a person.”_

_His smile grew as she leaned in to kiss his cheek before busying herself behind the bar._

                ----------

                “Look, just get out of here!” Flint pushed Jesse back but his grip on Alex remained. “Just leave him alone!”

                “Not until he’s answered for what he’s done!” Jesse bellowed.

                 ----------

                _“Nostalgia’s a bitch, huh?”_

_Alex spun around to see Michael smiling at him from the doorway. Lowering his hurt leg, he turned to properly face him._

_“I thought for sure when I got back from Iraq, you would be long gone.”_

_“Is that what you want?” Michel asked as he slowly started to approach him._

_“We’re not kids anymore,” Alex said and swallowed hard. “What I want doesn’t matter.”_

_All of a sudden, Michael was standing in front of him. They shared a look that spoke more than any words they could ever exchange in that moment. Alex let his eyes lower to Michael’s lips before dragging them back. Michael lasted another second before lunging forward and crashing their lips together. Holding onto Alex’s face, he poured all the passion he felt into the kiss, devouring Alex’s mouth in a way that left the soldier breathless. When they managed to pull away, desperate to catch their breaths, Alex kept his eyes closed but felt Michael grip his face even tighter. When he felt their foreheads press, Alex released the breath he’d been holding for a decade._

                ----------

                _“Where I stand, nothing’s changed.”_

_“Yeah, including the way you look at me. That’s a problem for me, Guerin,” Alex said as Michael straightened from his lean against the truck. “Because every time you look at me, I’m seventeen again and I forget that the last ten years even happened.”_

_Michael slowly closed the distance between them._

_“And then you look away and I remember all over again and it almost kills me, every time.”_

_“I never look away. Not really.”_

_Alex took a sharp breath at the words and they stared at one another for a long time before he slowly started backing away to the trailer._

_\----------_

                “Everything you’ve done to him, his whole life, just let him go!” Flint pleaded, struggling against the other soldiers holding him back.

                “I’m going to destroy everything that you love, son, to make you answer for what you did at Caulfield,” Jesse threatened but Alex couldn’t even see him.

                “That wasn’t his fault! You’re the one who designed the fail safe in place!” Flint spat.  
  
                ----------

_“Kyle,” Alex said as the other man turned to face him. “How many men do you know who were a father to any and every kid who needed one? That’s who Jim Valenti was and he was yours.”_

_Kyle watched him quietly as he spoke._

_“The Dad I got was a monster. Is a monster.”_

_“Because he sent you off to war?” Kyle asked._

_Alex shook his head and sighed tiredly. “My father was my war.”_

_Feeling the pain from being on his legs all day, Alex slowly lowered himself onto the couch._

_“Your Dad saw it when we were kids. Do you remember the summer that we built the tree house?” he asked and Kyle nodded. “That’s the summer that my Dad found out I was gay. He knew before I did. He thought he could beat it out of me. Jim tried to intervene.”_

_Kyle blinked and swallowed hard, ignoring the urge he felt to look away._

_“But you can’t make someone stop hating someone and my Dad hated me,” Alex said before looking down dejectedly._

_Kyle watched him for a moment before smiling. “You’ve got it wrong, you know. My Dad didn’t leave you that key because he thought you were weak. He would’ve never thought that about you.”_

_Alex scoffed and looked away._

_“You’re the bravest person I know.”_

_The words made Alex look back up at him and they shared a small smile before Kyle turned to leave._

_\----------_

_“No. I’m tired of walking away. I’m tired of not saying what I want to say.”_

_“What do you want to say, Alex?” Michael asked him, raising his hands out to the side in exasperation._

_“That I loved you and I think that you loved me. For a long time,” he confessed._

_The words took Michael by surprise but he nodded. “Yeah.”_

_“But we didn’t even know each other that well. Did we?” he asked as Michael’s gaze saddened. “I mean, we just connected like something…”_

_“Cosmic,” Michael exclaimed._

_“Yeah, but we didn’t even do that much talking and I want to talk. I want to start over. I want to, I don’t know, be friends,” Alex stuttered._

_Michael smiled sadly, unable to look away._

_“I want to know who you are, Guerin.”_

_Michael watched him for another few seconds before slowly closing the distance between them._

_“Do you want to know who I am or do you want to know what I am?”_

_\----------_

Alex felt himself sliding down the wall as his father and brother shouted in the background. He blinked his eyes against the brightness overhead but the wave of memories crashing down on him jolted a pain through his mind and he released a broken sob as he curled in on himself.

                ----------

_“Hey,” Kyle greeted as Alex walked into his apartment. “Thanks for coming. I need to talk to you about…”_

_His sentence died off when he saw the dejected look on Alex’s face._

_“What’s wrong? What happened?” he asked before taking in the leather jacket and style change. “I like the new look.”_

_Alex gave a small smile that never met his eyes before moving towards the couch and slowly lowering himself down._

_“Alex, what’s wrong?” Kyle repeated, moving to sit in front of him on the coffee table._

_“It’s Michael,” he said quietly, looking down at his clasped hands._

_Kyle straightened up and bit his lip, a nervous look filling his eyes._

_“Last night, I went to his trailer to talk about us, about everything. He had to run out so he asked me to come back today to talk again,” he said and chuckled brokenly. “I went back to the trailer and waited for six hours but he never showed. I don’t know where he is or why he didn’t come.”_

_Kyle watched him for a long time, battling a war within himself that Alex quickly caught onto._

_“What’s going on? You look weird.”_

_“Nothing,” Kyle tried to wave it off but Alex reached out and grabbed his hand._

_“Whatever it is, please just tell me.”_

_Kyle took a deep breath before sighing._

_“I had a really rough day and I needed a drink,” he started, meeting Alex’s gaze. “I went to the Wild Pony…”_

_He watched as confusion covered Alex’s face before it slowly disappeared and realization kicked in. The heartbreak he saw in the soldier’s eyes made Kyle wish he had never spoken._

_“Was Michael there?” he whispered._

_“Yes.”_

_“What was he…what were they doing?” he asked, already knowing the other party was his best friend._

_“Alex…,” Kyle started._

_“Please just tell me.”_

_Kyle hesitated for a final second before deflating. “They were kissing.”_

_Alex took in a harsh breath and lowered his gaze as tears began to stream down his face._

_“I’m so sorry,” Kyle whispered._

_“No, that’s fine. I should have realized,” Alex said, smiling sadly. “I was too late. I pushed him away too many times.”_

_“That doesn’t excuse…,” Kyle started but Alex cut him off._

_“She’s beautiful and funny and light. Why would he ever choose someone who’s brought nothing but darkness and pain in his life when he could have a better happiness instead?”_

_Kyle watched as Alex tried to hold himself together but could see the other man was seconds away from breaking down._

_“But she’s my best friend,” he whispered. “They couldn’t even talk to me before…”_

_“I’m so sorry!” Kyle said as he sat next to Alex and pulled him tight against his chest, trying his best to soothe him._

_“It’s my fault. Everything is my fault.”_

_“You are not your father, Alex!” Kyle snapped, pulling back to meet his gaze. “Everything that happened at Caulfield was incredibly messed up and I won’t pretend I understand what Guerin’s going through but if he can’t see that you’re not your father, then he doesn’t deserve you anyway.”_

_“But I am my father, aren’t I?”_

_“No, you are nothing like him!”_

_Alex closed his eyes and buried his face in his hands, letting the pain he was feeling emerge as he gently cried against Kyle who held onto him._

_“I have to fix it, Kyle.”_

_When they leaned back to face each other, a look of determination had covered Alex’s face._

_“My father, he’s to blame for everything. I can’t change the way Guerin sees me now but I can make sure my father never hurts anyone ever again.”_

_“We should actually talk about that. Your father,” Kyle said before sighing._

_\----------_

                Snapping his eyes open, Alex slowly rose to his feet as Jesse and Flint turned towards him.

                “I remember,” he said, his voice no longer afraid.

                “Your memories?” Flint asked him.

                “I remember everything,” Alex said, reaching behind him to touch the back of his head.

                Wincing from the pain, he brought his hand forward and stared down at the blood before lifting his gaze.

                “I remember what a terrible father you were,” he started as Jesse narrowed his gaze. “I remember believing monsters were real just for the mere fact that you existed.”

                “Still holding onto that, Alex?” Jesse smiled. “What I did, I did for your benefit.”

                “No, everything you did was for your own benefit, Dad. At least be honest.”

                Jesse’s smile grew as he crossed his arms at his chest.

                “Beating me as a teenager and abusing me all those years because I was gay was to save your precious family name. You didn’t want to see it tarnished. But you know what’s funny, Dad? No one’s destroyed the Manes name more than you.”

                “How do you figure that?”

                “What did you do at Caulfield? What was that place? Why did you have a fail safe keyed in?”

                “I thought you said your memories came back? But that’s fine, I’ll humor you.”

                Alex leaned against the wall, holding the back of his head as his father stepped towards him.

                “Aliens exist, Alex. They existed back in 1947 when the crash happened and they exist today. Everything I have done, all my work with Jim Valenti and my father's work before me has been in the name of national security. We have to keep our world safe from imminent attack.”

                “You say imminent as if there are aliens out there circling the atmosphere,” Alex said, ripping a piece from his shirt and pressing it against his head. “What evidence do you have that supports your claim?”

                “A spaceship crashing in 1947 seems like evidence.”

                “That was over seventy years ago. Where are the rest of them? If they wanted to attack us, if they wanted to come for their people, would they not have done it during those seventy years? What have they been waiting for?”

                Jesse came to speak but Alex cut him off.

                “All those people you had kidnapped and tortured at Caulfield, imprisoned against their will and away from their families, were they dangerous? Did they pose a threat to mankind?”

                “They’re aliens. They pose a threat by mere existence.”

                “Aliens. There’s that word again. Aliens. Did they fight when you took them? Did they act violently? Did they show any signs of aggression?” he said before pushing away from the wall. “Or did you kidnap and torture over a hundred men, women and children without any evidence of violence or danger save for the simple fact that you thought they were different?”

                Jesse narrowed his gaze but Alex stood firm.

                “You had _children_ there, Dad,” Alex shook his head, his tears beginning to form again. “I know being a father means very little to you based on personal past experience but what you did, no one will ever commend you for it. No one will ever slap a medal on your collar and tell you that you did a good thing. You killed innocent people and you deserve everything that you’re going to get.”

                “Just what does that mean?”

                “For everything you did to me, for what you did to Michael, for everything you did to those innocent people, you’ll answer for all of that.”

                “How exactly do you figure that?”

                “You always underestimated one thing,” Alex said before a smile covered his face. “You may be smart, _Dad,_ but I’m smarter.”

                Before Jesse could respond, a Ranger unit filed in from the east hallway, six soldiers with their assault rifles aimed high as a second group came from the west.

                “Weapons on the ground!” the Lieutenant in charge shouted.

                The two soldiers with Jesse dropped their weapons in a startled moment, backing away as the Rangers pushed forward to apprehend them.

                “Master Sergeant Manes, you are hereby detained under Article 133 of the Uniform Code of Military Justice for Conduct Unbecoming an Officer and a Gentleman.”

                “What the hell is this?” Jesse snarled.

                “Master Sergeant, I am authorized to place you under arrest,” the Lieutenant exclaimed.

                “This is _you_?” Jesse spat, looking at Alex.

                “Colonel Jacobs asked me to come here today to see if anything jogged my memory. He wanted to know why I was doing recon on an abandoned prison and who had been the one to injure me,” Alex explained. “You almost killed me that day and it never would have mattered to you if I _had_ died. All that ever mattered was your mission. When I knew I was coming out here, when Flint stopped for gas, I called the base and spoke with the Colonel. I asked him to send me assistance because I had a feeling I’d see you here and you didn’t disappoint.”

                Reaching into his pocket, he removed the tape recorder he had brought from his cabin that morning after saying goodbye to Michael.

                “The Colonel will be expecting you shortly,” he said before clicking the recorder off and handing it to the Lieutenant.

                Jesse snarled and took a step towards Alex but the Lieutenant gave a silent order and two other soldiers moved forward to place him in restrains.

                “This isn’t over!”

                “Yes it is,” Alex said as he walked forward to lean into his father’s ear, whispering quietly. “It’s over because all of your files, every shred of evidence you had gathered has been erased. All mentions of their existence has been wiped and _I_ was the one who did it.”

                Leaning back, he smiled at his father’s shocked expression.

                “That little memory came back too. In the week before you attacked me here, that’s when I handled everything so you can spew all you want about your crazy conspiracies but no one will believe you. All you are is a mass murderer and I’ll do all I can to make sure you answer for everything.”

                Jesse released a breath as Alex took a step back, his smile widening.

                “Checkmate.”

                Watching the smile on his son’s face, Jesse struggled against the soldiers as they led him away.

                “Thank you for getting here when you did,” Alex said, reaching out to shake the Lieutenant’s hand.

                “Jimmy Bishop is my cousin,” the Lieutenant replied, the news making Alex gasp. “You saved his life in Iraq that day.”

                “He saved mine,” Alex replied.

                The Lieutenant smiled. “Consider this my thanks.”

                With a quick salute, the soldier followed the rest of his men out of the prison. The moment he and Flint were alone, Alex all but deflated against the wall.

                “Kid, what the hell?” Flint exclaimed. “Why didn’t you tell me you called the Rangers in?”

                “I wasn’t sure if I could trust you.”

                “Seriously?” Flint asked, his tone sounding wounded. “Dad tried to kill you last week in front of me. Did you really think I’d ever take his side again?”

                “Now I know,” Alex shrugged. “Flint, we need to talk about all this. You were acting under orders from him but you’re aware of everything. You’re aware of the truth.”

                “Kid, one thing I can promise you is that my lips are sealed.”

                Alex watched him for a moment before taking a step forward.

                “A lot of innocent people’s lives are at risk, Flint. I need to know…”

                “Alex,” his brother said, his voice full of authority. “You’re my little brother and I love you. I know I sucked at protecting you when we were kids and I’ll apologize for that as long as it takes but believe when I say my eyes are open when it comes to him. I give you my word. Whatever story we agree to, that’s the one I’ll swear to in court.”

                Nodding in relief, Alex winced from the pain in the back of his head before he let Flint take his arm and lead him outside. As they left the prison and stepped back into the desert, they watched as a bound Jesse was led towards one of the armored trucks. A screeching sound pulled their attention away and Alex watched as Kyle’s truck parked next to theirs. The doors flew open and Michael ran out followed by Kyle, Isobel and Liz. While the others took a moment to look back at Jesse being hauled away, Michael ignored the world around them and ran across the grounds towards him. Before Alex could open his mouth to keep him away, Michael had his arms around him, pulling him close as he buried his face against Alex’s neck. Blinking through the new tears that had begun to form, Alex lifted his hands to wrap around him but the pain in his heart made his arms falls away. Oblivious to the change in the other man, Michael pulled back and ran his hands all over Alex, looking for any injuries.

                “You’re bleeding!” he snapped when Alex pulled the cloth away.

                “I’m fine. I’ll go to the hospital after.”

                Shaking his head in worry, Michael pulled Alex forward and pressed their lips together, desperate to feel him. When he felt Alex stand still against him, he leaned back and frowned.

                “What’s going on?” he asked and looked back as Jesse was forced into the truck. “How is he arrested?”

                “I got him on record admitting to what happened at Caulfield. I already destroyed all the evidence he had in every bunker, every computer, every hard drive. He can tell the world that aliens exist but no one will believe him. As far as they’ll be concerned, he’s just a deranged Master Sergeant who kidnapped and tortured over a hundred men, women and children due to his crazy conspiracies. He’ll be held accountable for their deaths.”

                Michael swallowed the lump in his throat at the reminder of his mother before reaching up to touch Alex’s face.

                “You did all that?” he asked, a look of pure love in his eyes.

                Alex watched him for a long moment before stepping backwards as the others approached them.

                “What’s wrong?” Michael asked, moving closer but Alex took another step back again. “Alex, what’s going on?”

                “I remember,” he said, looking up to meet Michael’s eyes. “When my Dad had me in there, he slammed me hard against the wall. That’s how my stitches opened. But all of a sudden, everything came rushing back to me at the same time. My head is killing me.”

                He looked at Kyle for a moment before his gaze moved back to Michael.

                “I remember everything, Guerin.”

                The stunned realization in Michael’s eyes made Alex sigh.

                “What…what do you remember?”

                “I remember waking up in the hospital in Germany, seeing my leg just gone. That night I told you I enlisted, I remember how it felt walking away, like my heart was ripped from my entire body. I remember senior year, falling in love with you for the first time,” Alex replied, smiling sadly. “I remember everything my father did. Last night, I had a nightmare before I realized it was a memory. I remembered after we slept together that first time, when he walked in, what he did to your hand.”

                He motioned the hand with his chin as Michael looked down.

                “I was so scared and I grabbed your hand but the skin was smooth and the bones were all in place as if it never had happened,” he said as Michael lifted his eyes again. “But Max healed you, didn’t he? He healed you and I was just sitting there, waiting outside your trailer…”

                “Alex, please,” Michael pleaded.

                “But you went to my best friend and kissed her instead,” he continued as if Michael hadn’t spoken. “You chose her even though you had asked me to come talk to you. I guess now I know what it feels like every time I walked away.”

                Michael reached for him but Alex yanked his hand away.

                “The difference, Guerin…”

                “Stop calling me that!” Michael cried but the plea made Alex harden.

                “The difference, _Guerin_ , is that I never walked away from you and into another man’s arms. But you started something with my best friend without either of you even telling me.”

                “I made a mistake,” Michael exclaimed. “It didn’t even last a day. Max got hurt and I spent the next three days with him and Isobel.”

                “That part is true,” Isobel offered.

                When Alex met her gaze, she smiled in understanding and looked away, knowing her words didn’t change anything.

                “You and I have just never been on the same page,” Alex scoffed. “But were you planning on ever telling me? About Maria? About the fact that you were an alien? Or were you just going to let me fall in love with you all over again and pretend that everything was just fine and dandy?”

                “I wanted to tell you! Isobel said the same thing and I was going to tell you some of it. I didn’t want to push you.”

                “No, Guerin, you kept that part quiet because you knew I’d tell you it was over.”

                “No!” Michael shook his head. “I won’t accept that.”

                “She’s my best friend!”

                “We just kissed a couple times. After Max was better, we talked and realized we were better off as friends because what I felt for you, _no one_ compared to!”

                “That doesn’t make it okay!” Alex finally shouted, taking a shaky breath as Michael watched him through his own tears.

                “Captain,” the Lieutenant called.

                Wiping angrily at his eyes, Alex looked past Michael’s shoulders to the waiting soldier.

                “Orders are to bring you in as well. The Colonel needs to have a conversation with you and your brother, Sergeant Manes.”

                “Come on, Alex,” Flint said, moving forward to take his arm.

                “Just wait. Please, for a second, just wait,” Michael pleaded.

                “What else is there to say, Guerin? You and I have been trying to make this work for over a decade and it never has. At least now, you’re safe from my father. All of you are,” Alex shrugged sadly. “It doesn’t make up for what he did at Caulfield but it was the only thing I could do to try and make things better.”

                “Alex, look at me,” Michael said, holding his cheeks until Alex met his eyes. “I love you. I love you so damn much. Do you believe that?”

                Alex came to look away but Michael tugged him back.

                “Sweetheart, tell me you believe that!”

                “I don’t know what I believe anymore,” Alex sighed. “All I know is that your promised me you’d never look away and you did.”

                His words left Michael stunned and Alex used the moment to pull away and walk with Flint towards the second truck. Michael turned and watched as he slid into the vehicle before the doors were closed and the trucks disappeared, leaving nothing but a trail of dust in their wake.

                “Michael, I’m so…,” Isobel started but he held his hand up to stop her.

                Moving away from them, he walked several paces before he let himself finally break.


	8. EIGHT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading :)

*****

 

                Dressed in his uniform, Alex swung the door open to see Maria standing on the other side, ready to knock. They stared at one another for a moment before she lowered her hand and took a step back.

                “Hi.”

                He hesitated before nodding. “What are you doing here?”

                “Can we talk?” she asked, smiling tentatively.

                “I’m actually running out. I’m meeting Kyle,” he said as he stepped out and shut the door behind him.

                “Alex, please wait,” she pleaded.

                He held his back to her for a few beats, taking a deep breath before turning around.

                “I really do have to go.”

                “I’m so sorry,” she blurted.

                “We don’t need to…”

                “Yes, we do!” she pressed. “I’ve been calling you every day this week. I came out here a few times.”

                “I’ve been stuck at Holloman base all week going through interrogations. This is the first they let me leave but I have to go.”

                “Just give me five minutes. Please?”

                Sighing heavily, he leaned back against his door. “What do you want to say?”

                “I’m sorry,” she said, taking a step towards him. “What I did was wrong. I never should have kissed him or even thought of starting something without talking to you first. I put my crush above our friendship. I’m so sorry, Alex.”

                “You didn’t need my permission and it wasn’t like Guerin and I were together anyway so it doesn’t matter,” he replied, his voice emotionless.

                “It did matter, Alex. I know you and I know what Michael meant to you.”

                “If you knew, then why did you do what you did?” he snapped.

                She looked down and he let the breath he was holding escape his lungs.

                “Why are you here?” he asked tiredly as she met his gaze again. “Do you need me to tell you it’s okay? Do you need me to say I forgive you? Tell you I’ll get over it? Fine, yes to all those things. Can I go?”

                “No because I know you don’t mean them,” she said, her eyes glazing over as she reached down to hold his hand. “I know I hurt you.”

                “Yeah, you did,” he laughed sadly. “You really did.”

                “How do I fix this?” she whispered.

                “I was shot and woke up with amnesia two weeks ago. Then everything with Guerin, all the lies, everything with my dad and our showdown and the interrogations this week. I’m sorry, but I just can’t deal with this right now on top of all that.”

                “Do you believe me when I say I’m sorry?”

                “Yes. Does it change anything?” he replied with a shrug. “I don’t think Guerin intended to hurt me by lying but he did. All of this, everything, it’s just…I need space.”

                “Does it makes any difference that all we did was kiss a couple times and then realized we were wrong and didn’t want each other that way a couple days later?” she asked, wiping at her tears.

                “Look, you’re one of the closest people to me. I don’t want you hurting or crying. I don’t want to lash out at you or be angry. But I can’t deal with this on some sort of set schedule that works for you. He wasn’t just some crush, Maria. He was everything to me.”

                “I know,” she whispered.

                “Then please, just give me some space. I’ll get over it. I always do, don’t I?”

                Moving past her, he made his way towards his truck as she turned to follow.

                “You’re his everything too, Alex.”

                He stopped at the truck door to face her.

                “Love was never the problem. It was everything else in between,” he replied. “If it wasn’t me hurting him, it was him hurting me or some outside force hurting us both. We tried and failed for ten years. I’m too tired to try anymore.”

                “But the love between you isn’t ordinary,” she smiled. “The way you two love each other is overwhelming.”

                Alex looked away and she closed the distance between them.

                “Forgive him, Alex,” she said, squeezing his hand. “Your father is arrested. He can’t hurt either of you anymore. Michael loves you. He loves you so much and I know he hurt you. We both did. I know you feel angry and betrayed. But that man would do anything for you. Please don’t let this mistake get in the way of the happiness I’ve seen you have with him.”

                “Maria…”

                “No, after you woke up in the hospital, even without your memories, you were drawn to him,” she cut him off. “Watching the two of you together, I can’t even describe it. When you move, he moves with you. When you breathe, he breathes. It’s like you’re two sides of the same coin. You can’t be without the other.”

                “What’s that gotten us but pain and misery for ten years?” he asked, shaking his head. “I’m sorry you wasted your time coming all the way out here but right now, I need to deal with what’s in front of me and that’s my dad.”

                “Are we ever going to have what we had before?” she asked, unable to look at him.

                He watched her for a moment before sighing. “We’ll get there. I don’t want to be the jerk who makes his friends cry. That's not who I am. Just give me time.”

                She gave him her first real smile and nodded before stepping back. Taking a breath, he climbed behind the wheel and gave her a small wave as he drove away. When he finally reached the hospital, he checked his phone to see a text from Kyle telling him he'd be a few minutes late. Climbing out of his truck, he leaned back against the side in the open courtyard. With his gaze fixed away from the hospital, he didn’t notice when Michael walked towards him from inside.

                “Hi.”

                Whipping his head around, Alex took a startled breath. Michael was standing with his hands tucked in his pockets, his curls a mess and shadows covering the skin under his eyes.

                “How are you?” he asked quietly.

                Alex took a moment before he found his voice again. “Fine.”

                Michael nodded and took a small step closer. “I tried coming by the cabin a few times.”

                Sighing, Alex rubbed his tired eyes. “I’ve been stuck at Holloman Base all week answering the same questions. I’m on my way to Kirtland Base in Bernalillo. It’s about three hours away.”

                “More interrogations?” Michael asked.

                “No, actually, they had him before a military tribunal at Kirtland two days ago. My testimony went on record. That’s why I’m going there now. It’s the sentencing.”

                He took in the surprised look on Michael's face before pushing himself from the truck.

                “He’ll go away for a long time. At least that’s what the Prosecutor assured me,” he said as Michael met his eyes. “He’ll be punished for what he did to your mother.”

                Michael released a shaky breath and took a few steps towards him but when Alex stepped back, he stopped midway. A painful look passed between them before Michael swallowed hard.

                “Can we talk? About us?”

                Alex sighed again and changed his footing, taking the pressure off his bad leg. “What do you want me to say?”

                Michael opened his mouth but Alex held his hand up to stop him.

                “That when I was finally ready, you weren’t? That I hurt you so many times by walking away, how could I ever expect you to welcome me back? Especially after Caulfield, after what you suffered there,” he said, his eyes beginning to glaze as Michael watched him in silence. “That you left me standing outside your trailer for hours while you went to one of my closest friends instead? All of that is true, Guerin. All of that happened. Was it some sort of misplaced pity or guilt because I was in the hospital that made you come to me?”

                “No!” Michael shook his head and took a chance to move forward, grateful when Alex didn’t move away. “My head wasn’t in the right place. I thought you were too connected to everything, that maybe I needed something different but it took me not even a day to realize I was wrong and she realized it too. I came to see you but you were gone and Kyle was there and he told me you knew. Then a few hours later, you were in the hospital.”

                Alex swallowed hard but forced himself to keep his eyes forward.

                “Were you just going to let us continue being together with me not knowing any of that?”

                “No, Alex,” Michael pleaded, running a hand through his curls. “For the first time in so long, you and I were on the same page.”

                “We were on the same page because I didn’t have my memories!” Alex snapped. “But now I do. Now I remember everything and it’s not that easy anymore, Guerin. Caulfield still happened and every time you look at me, you’ll always see him and what he did just like I do when I look in the mirror!”

                “No, that’s not true! I don’t see him when I look at you!” Michael exclaimed. “I _hate_ that you share his name. I _hate_ that he’s a part of your life but I will never look at you and see him.”

                Alex wiped at the tears that had formed in his eyes when Michael closed the last bit of distance and pulled him in.

                “No, we can’t keep doing this. _I_ can’t keep doing this,” Alex said as he moved away. “All we ever do is hurt each other, Guerin.”

                “That’s not true. That week we had together, before it all fell apart again, that’s proof that we work, Alex.”

                “That wasn’t _me_!” Alex shouted, oblivious to the patients and hospital staff around them. “That was the fifteen year old who hadn’t been abused yet! That was the Alex who hadn’t experienced true love and ultimate pain in the span of a day. That Alex hadn’t gone to war and lost his leg. This is me, Guerin. The one standing in front of you with all those memories. The one whose heart you broke into pieces. The one who broke yours! You can’t change any of that. Everything that’s happened between us has happened.”

                “So that’s it then? I’ve lost you for good this time?” Michael asked, his voice breaking. “You fell in love with me again, Alex.”

                “I never stopped,” Alex said, releasing a shaky breath. “I have loved you for _so_ long. I wish I knew how to stop but I can’t. Everywhere I’ve been, you’ve always been there with me but all we do is hurt one another over and over again. I can’t close my eyes and pretend you didn’t choose Maria, even if it was just for a day because you still made that choice, Guerin.”

                Michael wiped at his eyes as his shoulders bunched in. “So where does that leave us?”

                “Maybe this time, we really do say goodbye,” Alex shrugged as Michael squeezed his eyes for a moment, desperate to keep his tears from falling. “Guerin, look at me, please.”

                Michael slowly lifted his gaze and met his eyes.

                “We’re _both_ to blame. I’m not putting everything on you. Hell, I walked away first. I’m the one whose father is a monster,” Alex reminded. “But we can’t keep hurting each other like this and it does hurt, Guerin. It hurts so much.”

                “Then let’s stop hurting one another,” Michael said, nervously reaching out to hold Alex’s hands. “Your father is going away. He can’t hurt us anymore. We can heal together, Alex. We can move forward and leave all this pain behind because you and me, we’re worth it.”

                Alex sighed as he pulled his hands free. “I have to get to Kirtland. I’m just waiting for Kyle.”

                “Can we talk after? Can I come by?” Michael asked.

                “My enlistment period ends today,” Alex said instead and Michael smiled for the first time since he walked out towards him. “Once I’m done at Kirtland, I have to go back to Holloman and sign my papers. After that, I’ll be free for the first time in over a decade. Longer, even.”

                “That’s cause for celebration."

                “I’m not staying, Guerin.”

                Michael’s smile quickly vanished. “What do you mean?”

                “I mean my bags are already packed.”

                “You’re leaving?” Michael asked, taking a step back.

                “Not permanently,” Alex shook his head. “But I need to get away from all this. I want to see the country, see the world, I don’t know. Just drive and go somewhere that isn’t here.”

                “Wow,” Michael said as he took another step back. “You have it all figured out.”

                “No I don’t,” Alex replied. “I just need to be free.”

                “Hey,” Kyle interrupted, approaching them from the walkway. “Is everything okay here?”

                “That’s up for debate,” Alex said, turning towards him. “You good to go?”

                “Yeah, all set.”

                He turned back to Michael and the sadness surrounding him made Alex move forward and pull him close despite the voices in his head telling him not to. Michael slowly raised his arms to wrap around his back before he let his face press against the soft skin of Alex’s neck. They held one another for a long time as Kyle averted his gaze, giving them some semblance of privacy. When Alex finally pulled away, he took Michael’s hand in his own and squeezed it once.

                “Goodbye, Guerin.”

                Without another word, he moved towards his truck and climbed behind the wheel. Kyle hesitated briefly before following him in. When Alex reversed the truck and drove away, Michael felt the last bit of his heart shatter until there was nothing left.

                “Do you want to talk about what happened?” Kyle asked him after several minutes of silence.

                “Not really. I just want it all over with.”

                “After today, it will be.”

                Deflating behind the wheel, Alex eased off the gas as Kyle settled in his seat.

                “So you don’t want to talk about Guerin. I get that. Touchy subject,” Kyle said as Alex tossed him a glare. “But I get the feeling it’s not just your dad and Guerin either. With you, problems always come in sets.”

                “Thanks,” Alex grumbled.

                “Come on, man. Talk to me. We have a three hour drive. What’s going on?”

                “Maria showed up at the cabin as I was leaving.”

                “Alright, I could see why that would be distressing,” Kyle nodded. “What did she say?”

                “What do you think? She was crying and apologizing, telling me how sorry she was and that Guerin loved me.”

                “Well, that all sounds good,” Kyle agreed, turning in his seat to fully face Alex. “Do you forgive her?”

                “She matters to me. I’ll get over it. I just don’t think I can right now.”

                “That’s okay. You can take the time you need with everything. God knows you deserve it.”

                Alex sighed but kept his eyes focused on the road.

                “What about Guerin?”

                “What about him?”

                “Alex, come on. Drop the dismissive act. I know this is killing you. I know you miss him.”

                “So what if I do?” Alex snapped.

                “I heard some of the stuff you guys said back there, about how all you do is hurt each other and maybe you guys should end it once and for all,” Kyle started. “Look, he and I aren’t each other’s greatest fans but even I could see what you mean to the guy. I don’t think he wanted to hurt you, not with the De Luca thing or with keeping things from you when you had amnesia.”

                “I guess I’m just tired of the endless loop of pain. I hurt him or he hurts me. Back and forth, over and over again.”

                “So break it,” Kyle suggested. “If you can’t move past it, you have that right. He hurt you. But just think it through, is all I’m saying. You guys have been through a lot separately and together. But the love always brought you back, right? Isn’t that love worth it? Don’t you think after your decade long epic romance, you owe him one more conversation? Maybe you can forgive him.”

                “It’s not about forgiveness,” Alex sighed. “I mean, yeah, it is but that’s not everything. I’m not blameless in all this. How many times did I walk away? I’ve hurt him too but this was different.”

                “I know. I get it,” Kyle nodded. “But you’ve always had a big heart, Alex. You’ve been able to forgive even when maybe you shouldn’t have. I should know. You forgave _me_. You forgave your brother.”

                “Don’t make me take that forgiveness back,” Alex said but Kyle could see his small smile.

                “Nah, we’re besties again,” Kyle grinned before laughing at the look on Alex’s face. “Alright, we’re not there yet but we will be.”

                Alex shook his head and stepped on the gas again.

                “I kind of interrupted that conversation back there. All I’m saying is, whatever you decide, just talk to him one more time.”

                The words stayed with him as Kyle reached to switch the radio on. When they arrived at Kirtland three hours later, Kyle was given a visitor badge at the gate before they were let through. Once they parked the car and climbed out, they shared a look before making their way inside the main building. Passing through more security, they reached the second floor and stopped behind the courtroom as the tribunal carried on inside. Despite the pain in his leg, Alex paced back and forth down the small hallway, his entire body too fraught to sit still for even a moment. When the doors finally opened, the Prosecutor stepped out and walked straight to Alex, a smile on his face.

                “He received a General court martial. He’ll be going away for a long time.”

                “It’s over?” Alex asked, stumbling back a step only for Kyle to steady him.

                “It’s over. What your father was responsible for was horrific. The members of the panel and the Judge all agreed. His sentence was unanimous.”

                “Did he say anything?” Alex asked.

                “Just kept spewing the same nonsense about UFO’s,” the Prosecutor chuckled. “It’s over, Captain.”

                He reached out to pat Alex on his shoulder before making his exit. Turning towards Kyle, Alex laughed in disbelief as he fell forward against him. Surprised by the embrace, Kyle tugged him close and hugged him.

                “It’s over,” he repeated when they leaned back. “You got him, Alex.”

                Shaking his head, he gave Kyle the first real smile he felt all week as they slowly made their way outside the building. When they were back in the truck heading home with Kyle behind the wheel, Alex closed his eyes and pressed his head back against his seat, releasing a breath as a feeling of peace began to fill his heart.

                “What are you going to do now?” Kyle eventually asked.

                “My enlistment period ends today,” Alex replied, tilting his head towards Kyle who smiled.

                “Are you going to renew?”

                “No,” Alex shook his head. “As much as the military taught me a lot and strengthened me in ways I needed, I’ve lost a lot too because of it. It’s a chapter of my life I’m glad to be closing.”

                “What are you going to do instead?”

                “That’s the beautiful part. For the first time in so long, I feel free,” Alex smiled. “I already packed my bags. I’m thinking road trip. Get out and see the world.”

                “I’ll miss you if you go but I understand why you want to,” Kyle’s smile softened.

                “I’d invite you along but I know you have your hands full with Rosa,” Alex replied. “How is that going?”

                “We’re not at the height of sibling love yet but we’ve talked a lot, just trying to get to know one another. Talking helps,” he said, giving Alex a pointed look. “Will you talk to Guerin again?”

                “You can’t let me have five minutes of happiness?” Alex grumbled.

                “He _is_ your happiness, Manes. You just need to be able to put all that pain aside, same with him. If you can’t, that’s okay. If you can, that’s okay too. Today was a good day. Don’t be afraid.”

                Alex sighed and stared out his window for the rest of the drive. When he dropped Kyle back off at the hospital, they shared another hug before Alex gave him the spare key to the cabin. Saying their goodbyes, Alex climbed back in his truck and drove off as Kyle watched him go with a bittersweet smile on his face. As he made his way across town, Alex lowered his window and let the warm breeze wash over him until he reached his base at Holloman. He spent an hour at the base rejecting Colonel Jacobs’ offers to renew before his Commander finally sighed and shook his hand. His papers were signed with a member of the administration before Alex saluted his Colonel a final time. When he finally drove out of the base, a laughter he couldn’t control escaped him.

                Reaching the cabin he had called home for the past year, Alex rushed through a shower and left his uniform hanging in his closet before tossing on a pair of jeans, a navy tee and his black leather jacket. Checking to make sure everything was shut off and locked away, he took one last glance in his bedroom when his eyes caught on something tucked away beside his dresser. Making his way over, he lowered himself to the floor and pulled the white cards out, the ones Michael had written him. Closing his eyes, Alex felt a pain curl around his heart. They had made love that night but now it seemed so far away. Leaning back against the dresser, he opened his eyes and scanned the words on the first card before moving through the rest.            

                **_When we slept together that night for the first time, it felt like all the missing pieces were finally in place. I never wanted to let you go._**

A fresh wave of tears filled the corners of his eyes as he read through them.

**_Neither of us are perfect, Alex. We’ve both made mistakes and hurt each other hard. But you and I together is the only thing that has ever made sense to me._ **

                He took a ragged breath and flipped to the next card.

_**I told you once that I never look away and I meant every word. Through all our time apart, everyone else has been a placeholder for you. No one compares. No one ever will**_ **.**

Lowering the cards to the floor, he tilted his head back and squeezed his eyes shut.

                *******

                “Michael, will you stop?” Isobel pleaded as he angrily worked on the car behind his trailer. “Just talk to me. What happened?”

                “Nothing, he ended it,” he replied, sniffling roughly. “Told me it was over and that he was leaving town.”

                “For good?” she asked quietly.

                “No, just wanted to get away but who knows what that means, right?” he chuckled before facing her. “His father went before the military court. He’s going away.”

                Isobel took a sharp breath at the news. “That’s about the only good news this past week.”

                “Yeah, and he did it all on his own,” Michael shook his head. “He was shot by the son of a bitch and knocked out so hard he lost all his memories. He went through all of that and then everything that happened between us and he still found it in him to come up with a plan that got his father arrested. He got all those memories back, learned everything I held back from him but still went through with his father’s trial.”

                “He’s strong, Michael. You both are.”

                Michael nodded absently as tears began to well in his eyes. “We’ve always been each other’s lifeline. I really thought this time…”

                “I’m sorry,” she said, pulling him into a tight embrace.

                The sound of a car pulling up made them both lean back. Wiping at his eyes, he followed Isobel towards the front and froze when he saw Alex standing there.

                “I’ll leave you guys alone,” Isobel said, looking to Michael who nodded.

                She looked between the two for another second before climbing into her own car and driving away.

                “I thought you would have been gone by now,” Michael started as the late afternoon sun shined down on them.

                “It was a busy morning,” Alex replied. “I don’t even know how many years he got sentenced. All that matters is that he’s going away.”

                Michael released the breath he had been holding and nodded.

                “I had to go back to Holloman base and sign my papers after. I’m free.”

                A small smile covered Michael’s face. “I’m happy for you. I really am.”

                They held eyes for another few beats until Michael shuffled his feet.

                “Why are you here? To say goodbye?”

                “I wanted to give you something,” Alex replied as he reached into his truck and pulled a wrapped package out.

                Walking towards Michael, he took a breath before holding it out to him. Taking it slowly, Michael stared down at the package before raising his gaze.

                “What is it?”

                “Open it,” Alex said softly.

                Slowly unwrapping the bundle, Michael gasped when he saw the glass piece inside. His eyes scanned over the colourful design before his eyes snapped back up to Alex.

                “I found this in the wall of my cabin weeks ago,” Alex started. “Jim Valenti had left me the cabin and he had wanted me to find it. He was involved with everything my father did before he died so it’s still a wonder why he wanted me to find it but I did.”

                Michael swallowed hard as he listened.

                “At first, I didn’t know what it was,” Alex continued. “It wasn’t until you showed me your bunker and the console that I realized. I should have given it to you then but you said you wanted to leave Earth and it just scared me. I’m sorry for keeping it from you.”

                Michael licked his lips as his grip on the glass tightened.

                “When I found out about Maria, I threw myself into everything with my father and wanting to destroy him. I thought of giving it to you then, before I ended up in the hospital but I was afraid you would think I was trying to split the two of you up or something.”

                “You really think I would have thought that?” Michael asked quietly.

                “I don’t know,” Alex shrugged.

                “So why are you giving it now? Is this your parting gift?”

                Alex shuffled his weight onto his good leg. “I know what losing your mother did to you. I can’t tell you I feel or understand it to the same depth as you but I do know how much you were wounded. I was the one who dragged you out of there when you wanted to stay.”

                “You saved my life,” Michael whispered.

                Alex smiled sadly. “I thought that if I give this to you now, I can set you free too. All you’ve ever wanted was to find where you belonged. Maybe there’s more of your family out there and maybe with this, now you can find that missing piece you’ve always been searching for.”

                “So that missing piece of me, you think it's out there in the universe somewhere?” Michael asked, swallowing the lump in his throat.

                “I don’t know what to think but I do know that holding onto this piece was wrong of me. I _am_ sorry for that.”

                A tear slipped down Michael’s cheek as he nodded. Alex stared at him for a long while, his own tears threatening to fall before he finally turned around to leave. Michael’s shoulders fell as he watched him walk away. Alex lifted his hand to swing his door open when the words he’d read earlier came back to haunt him. Shutting his eyes, he released a ragged breath.

                “Or don’t go.”

                Michael snapped his head up as Alex slowly turned around.

                “You’ve always been _my_ family. Through all the pain and tears and separation, you’ve always been my family, Michael.”

                His lips began to quiver at the sound of his name.

                “I found those cards you wrote me,” Alex said, blinking through his tears. “I was prepared to come give you the glass and leave but I found those cards and I just sat there and read them and started crying.”

                Michael swallowed the urge to reach out and comfort him.

                “I don’t want to cry anymore, Michael. I don’t want you to cry anymore either,” Alex said, taking a small step forward before stopping. “Can we do that? Can we help each other heal? Can we love each other as much as we do and let all that pain go?”

                “Yes,” Michael whispered without hesitation.

                “Then come with me.”

                Michael stared at him in surprise, the shock he felt leaving him speechless.

                “Come _with_ me,” Alex repeated.

                “Why?” he brokenly asked.

                “Because I love you,” Alex exclaimed. “I love you more than anything. It’s been the one constant thing that has kept me going all these years.”

                Michael released a shaky breath as Alex took a step towards him.

                “But Michael, we can’t just build something on love alone. Our connection, God, it’s everything,” Alex cried. “But we need to do better, both of us. There’s so much we have to work through. Communication has never been good between us and we need to fix that or all we’ll do is keep repeating the same mistakes over and over.”

                “Say it again.”

                “We need to…”

                “No! Say _it_ again,” Michael pleaded.

                Alex instantly softened. “I love you, Michael.”

                Tossing the glass to the ground, he closed the distance in three long strides and pulled Alex to him. When their lips finally touched, it felt like the world was right again. Tugging each other closer, the kiss slowly began to peel away the ache inside them. Alex let his hands travel to Michael’s face, caressing his cheeks in a silent urge to slow down. When they pulled away, gasping for air, Michael wrapped his arms around Alex’s waist, almost too tight and not tight enough.

                “I love you,” his voice broke as they pressed their foreheads together. “I love you, Alex. I love you.”

                “I’m sorry for so much,” Alex whispered in the intimate air between them.

                “I’m sorry too, sweetheart,” Michael smiled.

                Leaning in again, they let their kiss communicate everything their words couldn’t say. Michael let his hands slide down Alex’s back until they were placed low on his waist, his fingers tucking under the waistband of his jeans.

                “We’re really doing this? We’re together?” he asked, his heart ready to burst beneath his ribcage.

                “Are you coming with me?” Alex asked instead.

                Michael’s smile grew in a way that made Alex memorize the moment, forever locked away as one of his best memories.

                “I’ll follow you anywhere. Don’t you know that by now? All you ever had to do was ask me,” Michael replied, his voice gentle.

                Alex tightened his arms around Michael’s shoulders as they stood there for several moments, just holding and breathing each other in. Pressing their lips together in the tenderest kiss they’d ever shared, they pulled back with a small smile as Michael motioned towards the trailer.

               “Let’s go inside.”

                Alex let out a breathless laugh that turned into a moan when Michael slid his lips down his neck.

                “We need…we need to…”

                “Everything else can wait. Let me feel you,” Michael said as he leaned back to gaze at him.

                “We’ll be late,” Alex argued weakly.

                “Just give me thirty minutes,” Michael said as he fell to his knees and reached for Alex’s belt.

                Once the belt had been unbuckled, his hands came to reach for the rest when Alex held the sides of his face. Gently tugging at his curls, he lifted Michael’s face to meet his gaze. The look in Alex’s eyes, a mix of heated lust and tender love made Michael release another shaky breath.

                “When you look at me like that, all I want to do is get on my knees.”

                Gasping at the words, Alex tugged at Michael until he was standing again, holding him close.

                “You’re everything, Michael. Your heart is so beautiful,” he whispered, his gentle words making Michael shut his eyes and melt in the embrace. “You deserve so much love and tenderness.”

                Michael soaked in the words before he leaned in to kiss him. “So do you, sweetheart.”

                Their lips moved slowly as their chests pressed together, their hearts beating as one. As the heat began to coil inside them, Michael deepened the kiss.

                “Come inside,” he said between kisses.

                “We’re on a schedule. We’ll be late.”

                “I don’t care even a little,” Michael growled as he lifted Alex off the ground.

                The soldier yelped and instantly wrapped his legs around his waist as Michael moved him towards the trailer and pushed him against the door.

                “Give me ten minutes. These hands can do magic in ten minutes.”

                Alex smiled fondly before he pulled Michael into a kiss that left him chasing his lips when they pulled back.

                “I don’t want ten minutes. I want so much more than that,” Alex said and ran his hands through Michael’s hair, the promise in his words making the other man groan.

                “You can’t say stuff like that and expect me not to touch you.”

                “It’s only five hours until our first stop.”

                “Five hours! Are you crazy?” Michael exclaimed. “You think I can keep my hands off you for five hours?”

                Alex felt his smile widen as he tightened his legs around Michael’s waist, the move bringing them closer together and making both sigh from the contact.

                “We’ve waited so long to get this right. Five hours won’t hurt.”

                “But it does hurt,” Michael whispered as he pulled the collar of the leather jacket to the side to press a bruising kiss on his clavicle. “It physically hurts when I’m not touching you.”

                “You’re touching me now,” Alex breathed.

                “I want to be inside you. I want to hold you. I want to feel you holding me,” Michael said, pressing even closer, his eyes glazing as his thumb rubbed Alex’s cheek. “Do you feel what you do to me?”

                Alex bit his lip as Michael slowly started rocking forward. Tilting his head back, he closed his eyes and let himself feel, moaning when Michael bit hard at his throat. His fingers moved up Michael’s neck and into his curls, tugging at them sharply so their lips could crash together again. Breaking the kiss to take a deep breath, Alex let his thumb press at Michael’s lips. When he felt Michael pull the digit into his mouth and press his tongue against the tip, Alex felt the last bit of resolve he had ready to snap.

                “Michael,” he said, steadying the other man. “We need to do this the right way, remember? That involves an actual bed and a hell of a lot of foreplay.”

                Smiling at his pout, Alex gave him a final kiss before he slowly lowered his legs and ducked under his arms. Before he could reach the truck, he felt a pair of strong arms wrap around him.

                “Where are you going?” he asked, his chest pressed against Alex’s back so tightly he could feel Michael’s rapid heartbeat.

                “Just trying to get you into the truck,” he smiled, turning his head to kiss him from the side. “I want us to take our time and make love.”

                A shudder ran through Michael’s body as he sighed. “Need more than ten minutes for that?”

                “We need _hours_ for that.”

                Michael groaned at the words. “Why don’t we get it on now and then take our time in five hours?”

                Instead of the smile he expected, Alex whirled around and tugged him in even closer.

                “No more looking over our shoulders. No more hurried hookups,” Alex said with a soft smile. “My heart is yours and yours alone. Everything I am is in love with you. Be mine and let me be yours.”

                Michael felt his heart flutter and couldn’t keep the smile off his face.

                “Using my words against me?”

                “Everything you wrote, everything you felt, I feel it too,” Alex said as he lowered his face and pressed a kiss over his heart. “I promise to take care of your heart if you promise to take care of mine.”

                “Always,” Michael’s voice cracked as he blinked back his tears and finally nodded. “We’ll do it the right way.”

                They shared a smile before Alex pushed back slightly. “Which reminds me, as much as I love your trailer, I’m not sleeping here anymore. My ass is always hanging off the side of the mattress.”

                Michael chuckled as he slid his hand up Alex’s chest to splay his fingers over his heart.

                “What do you suggest then?”

                “You can move in with me at the cabin. My bed’s big enough. You know that now,” Alex rambled. “I mean, obviously we’ll keep the trailer here because of the bunker and it could be your workspace…”

                “Did you just ask me to move in with you?” Michael cut him off in disbelief.

                Alex bit his lip nervously. “I guess I did. Too soon?”

                “Did you mean it?”

                “Yes, I meant it,” Alex smiled. “No more excuses. I love you. I want to be with you.”

                “Yeah, we can do that,” Michael chuckled nervously. “I love you too.”

                They pressed their foreheads together again, smiling at one another when Michael smirked.

                “So should we go in?”

                “The car? Definitely,” Alex grinned, pushing him backwards towards the trailer.

                “How much clothing do I need to bring?” Michael relented.

                “You don’t have to bring anything. Just share mine,” Alex said before a blush filled his cheeks.

                Michael’s smile grew as he stepped up towards the open trailer door, extending his arms above his head.

                “Feeling possessive?” he asked, smirk firmly in place.

                Alex took a breath at the sight of him, stretched out with his curls a mess from Alex’s fingers. “Stop trying to seduce me and get in the car.”

                Michael laughed and shook his head. “Have you seen yourself in the mirror? You’re killing me.”

                “Then stop wasting time and get in the car,” Alex smiled. “The sooner we leave, the sooner we get to our first stop. Then we can take our time all night.”

                Groaning loudly, Michael moved inside the trailer to take his cowboy hat and jacket before stepping back out and locking the door behind him. Grabbing the glass piece he had dropped, he walked behind the Airstream and used his powers to slide the bunker door open. Once the piece had traveled inside and the door was secure again, he rushed around the trailer towards a laughing Alex.

                “The hat? Really?”

                “You’ve got a kink and you know it,” Michael smiled, walking towards the driver’s side and pinning Alex to the door.

                “I have a Michael Guerin kink,” Alex said, pulling him in for a single, hard kiss. “But the hat helps.”

                Michael’s smile widened as he reached down to grab the keys.

                “What makes you think you’re driving?”

                “It’s five hours. You’ve already been on your leg all day,” Michael shrugged. “Plus, this way I can hold you.”

                Sighing fondly, Alex moved to the other side as they climbed in. Once the doors were closed, Michael pulled him close and wrapped his free arm around his shoulders.

                “We’re really doing this?” he asked again.

                “We’re really doing this,” Alex agreed, kissing his neck gently. “Do you need to call Isobel or Max or anyone? I know I just sprang this on you.”

                “I’ll call later. Right now, I just want to get through these five hours. All I’ll be thinking about is you, me and that bed wherever we stop.”

                He smiled as Michael pulled away from the trailer and onto the main road out of Roswell.

                “I never said we couldn’t do anything while we’re driving.”

                “What do you mean?”

                Alex lowered his hand to Michael’s belt but instead of doing anything, he just let his fingers lift the edge of his shirt and touch the skin below his belly.

                “Feel free to go lower,” Michael smirked.

                “I think I’ll just leave my hand here,” Alex shrugged.

                “Baby, come on,” Michael whined.

                Alex let his fingers tuck under the waistband but made no move to go further.

                Michael sighed as his arm tightened around him. "Are you trying to torture me on purpose?"

                “Maybe I just want to rile you up before we get there.”

                “All I need to do is take one look at you and Little Michael will be standing at attention.”

                 Alex chuckled as he covered his face. “You did not just say that.”

                 “It’s true!” Michael exclaimed before his voice lowered. “You turn me on all the time, sweetheart. I always want you.”

                 Biting his lower lip, Alex let his hand travel across Michael’s chest, playing with the hairs through his open collar.

                 “You keep saying stuff like that and I’ll make you pull over.”

                 “Do you think that upsets me?” Michael chuckled. “Just fair warning, once a day isn’t going to work.”

                 “What do you mean?” Alex leaned back.

                 “We’re going to be living together which means outside of work hours, I’m making love to you in the morning, twice at night, maybe even after midnight if we’re both awake.”

                 “Are you insane?” Alex laughed. “You think we can have sex three or four times a day?”

                 “Do you think I’m kidding?” Michael replied as he tilted his head towards him. “I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you. I’ve never wanted anyone the way I want you. That’s never changed and it never will.”

                 “So I should prepare myself to walk funny for the rest of my life?” Alex asked breathlessly.

                 “Something like that,” Michael nodded, his smile so open and honest.

                 “Pull over,” Alex grumbled.

                 “What happened to doing this right? Needing a proper bed.”

                 “Michael, pull over _now_.”

                 Smiling at his win, Michael pulled off to the side of the road and stopped.

                 “Get out,” Alex growled as he climbed out.

                 Michael hurried after him but frowned when Alex climbed behind the wheel, smiling at him through the window.

                 “Alex, come on!” Michael whined as he got in the other side.

                 “We  _are_ doing this the right way, Michael. In a bed, in a room that we’ll now be staying in longer than one day,” Alex said as he pulled back onto the road. “But you drive slower than my grandmother ever did and I need us to get there today.”

                 Michael chuckled at his words and slid closer on the bench. He snuggled close to Alex who lifted his arm across Michael’s shoulders like he had done earlier. Smiling at the closeness, Michael pressed a kiss to his cheek and neck before he let his hand rest over Alex’s heart, the steady beating soothing him. Alex tilted his face down to press a kiss over his hand, the tender touch making Michael’s smile soften.

                “I love you.”

                Alex smiled and tightened his arm around him. “I love you too.”

                They drove another mile before Michael smirked to himself. With Alex completely oblivious, he pulled his hand away before lowering it under the other man’s waistband. All he could do was chuckle when Alex swerved on the road from the sudden contact. The five hour drive became six.


End file.
